Big Bad World

Fighting for Love

I’ve seen so many things in my life, but there was nothing like holding on to him. There was nothing quite like being able to call him mine. Those moments were the ones I held closest to my heart. There was no moment like those times when I’m so close to him that I can hear his heart beat. Nothing compared to those moments were close to being important. He knew all the rummage in my life. He was the first guy I’ve trusted since Levi. So much about him was everything in my life, and now I was afraid I could lose it all. I wasn’t mat at what he said to me, I was just scared. I was scared that maybe I didn’t have a chance, and that maybe she really was the one he wanted to be with. Maybe I was just his decoy to get over her. That was harsh thought, and I knew it wasn’t to be believed, but I couldn’t help but think it for a moment. I didn’t know many things in life, but the one thing I knew for sure is that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I couldn’t do that if he was to choose her. That thought terrified me.

 It was true that I wanted him to be happy. It was also true that I believed his happiness was of more importance than mine. There was so much that I had to be okay with if he chose her over me. I had hoped he wouldn’t choose her over me. I have never wanted anything so bad and I have never wanted anyone so much. My mind was convinced that not a single person in the universe had felt this kind of love before. He moved me without even trying. Before him I never knew what my heart was missing. It was so empty. There was nothing that could make me fall out of love with him at this point. If he had chosen her over me, I couldn’t just be his friend. He was going to be happy, and I was going to walk away and move on. It was all or nothing.

 It had begun to rain and there I was sitting in Aubrey’s driveway trying to figure out if I should go in or not. I had thought so much about going to Nicole’s and talking to her, but I figured that maybe that was what only jealous girlfriends did. I was jealous. I was always jealous of Nicole. Even when I didn’t know Keith, I was jealous of Nicole. The jealousy was a constant and infinite battle that would never end.

 Finally, with much hesitation, I had decided to go into Aubrey’s house. I needed to bounce my thoughts off with hers. I needed wisdom. My tiny hand took out my key to Aubrey’s and unlocked her door gracefully. There she was watching a rerun of American Idol. The fact that she was doing such a thing really intrigued me. Aubrey never watched reruns of anything unless it was Boy Meets World or One Tree Hill. “American Idol?” I asked in curiosity.

 Aubrey looked up at me while sipping on a glass of wine. “Yea, come watch! You know I never actually listened to Keith on this show. I always just watched it because of you, but Keith is a really good judge. He’s so knowledgeable. You should go on this show. He’d totally let you through to Hollywood.” While Aubrey was delivering her commentary, I couldn’t help but think how great she has been with Keith. Aubrey was never an adherent to couples who had a large gap in age and she so clearly pointed that out to me before Keith and I started dating. But, lately she wanted to know him. She wanted to support us. It was nothing but encouraging for me to see. “I mean, you’re like so talented anyway. You’re probably a lot better than most of these people. It’s a shame you don’t share it with anyone besides Keith and I”

 My eyes quickly traveled to hers and back at the TV. I helped myself with a glass of whiskey and sat down next to her. “I’m pretty sure Keith would play fair. I highly doubt I would make it to Hollywood. He’s the only reason why this show is any good anymore, and I would be by far the worst contestant on this show. I’m not that good” I commented.

 Aubrey shook her head and nudged me lightly. “True, Keith is the only reason why this show is any good. But you would make it to Hollywood, and you would be the best contestant. You are incredibly talented, Lacey. I know Keith wants you to get in the studio. Why won’t you do it?” she asked in curiosity.