Big Bad World

This Jealousy

It was now passed 8 and the both of us were still sitting by the river. There had been nothing but silence for that past couple of hours. Keith didn’t want to talk after telling me the truth and I knew I couldn’t tell him about how angry I have been. He needed me to be there for him and if I was his girlfriend or not, I needed to do that for him. I was still so irrevocably in love with him and nothing was going to change that. My fingers ran through his hair from time to time attempting to comfort him as much as I could.

 There were so many things to tell him; to talk about with him. For starters, I was angry, but mostly upset with him. He also needed to know that I spent a lot of money on his charge card to buy some new things for my home that had been broken into. The timing didn’t feel right. There was no room for another fight with him. I wasn’t sure how my heart would take it, but I knew it wouldn’t be good. My eyes look to his after he kissed my forehead softly. “I love you,’ he whispered.

 My eyes looked away from him quickly. “Yea…” I mumbled quietly. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I didn’t love him, but I didn’t know how to say it after what had happened. The fight was so ugly and had punctured my heart. It was probably better for me to walk away, but something in me had told me to stay. “I know you do,” I confirmed.

 “I understand if you never want to see me again. I just felt that you needed to know the truth.” His sad eyes looked over to me and back at the river that new both of our pasts all too well. “Just don’t ever forget that I will always love you, Lacey. I mean that. You’ve become everything to me and I wouldn’t trade that.” The man rose up from the ground and began to walk away. For a moment I stood there and let him.

 “Keith, wait!” I said, hoping he would listen. My eyes looked over to him. He was so handsome, and so irresistible like ecstasy. “You didn’t kill him. You didn’t know that any of that was going to happen. Stop blaming yourself. It wasn’t your fault. It’s not like you meant for the gas to leak, or for something with the car part to go wrong. You never meant to intentionally hurt him, or kill him. I don’t think you did kill him. I think it was an accident. It could’ve happened to anyone.”

 His eyes looked straight into mine. They were filled with sadness with a tint of hope. Keith wouldn’t hurt a fly, unless he was protecting someone he loved. I knew for a fact he never meant to kill his friend, and I knew for a fact the he also never meant to hurt me. How I needed him. “But, I caused it…” he mumbled.

 I shook my head and walked toward him. “No… you may have been at the scene, and accidentally kicked the gas tank over, but you didn’t intentionally do that. You never meant to hurt him. I want to help you move on from that. Please let me help you.”

 Keith shrugged. “I don’t know what that means. Are you even my girlfriend anymore?”

 I nodded and kissed his lips softly. “I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me. That’s why I was so angry. I still love you just the same. I just wish you had told me from the start. I wouldn’t have left you, or hated you, or judged you. I trusted you and I felt like you were betraying that trust because you never told me. I’m still your girlfriend though, if you’ll let me be.”

 I could see a weak smile form. I loved him even more when he smiled. “I shouldn’t have kept it from you. I should’ve told you. I’m so sorry I didn’t. I hope you can learn to trust me again.”

 I kissed his lips once more. “I will, I promise. I hope you can learn to trust me again too…”

 He gave me a look of confusion. “What?”

 “Um… well, you left your charge card with me so I spent all your money. I was really angry, but my house was robbed so it’s not like I didn’t need it… I just kind of spent it all…” I confessed.

 Keith nodded slowly. “I see…”

 “I’m sorry…” I mumbled. “I hope you can forgive me.”

 Keith shrugged. “Your house was robbed? Baby, don’t worry about it, its just money. I’d rather have you use it than someone else.”

 I gave him a soft smile and took a hold of his hand. “Yea, it was robbed. I kept trying to figure out how, but then I remembered that I don’t think I actually shut my door while rushing to your house to head to Australia. My fault and my fault if you are broke…”

 Keith chuckled and kissed me gently. “Like I said, it is just money.”

 I giggled lightly. I was willing to let the anger go. I needed him too much to argue anymore. All I knew was that my world was better with him in it. Keith’s pocket began to ring rapidly. The look on his face as he looked at the name confused me. “Nicole?” I heard him say as he quickly walked away from me. Suddenly, a hint of jealousy came of me. Was I ever going to get over the fact that she was always going to be in his life? I hated how I felt toward her. Every time I was in her presence I had felt like she was starring me down almost as if I was her next victim.

 As the jealousy toward Nicole kept building up, Keith interrupted. “She’s in town. She wants to meet with me. I don’t know what for, but she needs a babysitter. Are you willing? I’m so sorry… I normally wouldn’t, but it sounded urgent.”

 The jealousy became worse, but I couldn’t show it. Why did Nicole want to meet with him alone? Something didn’t seem right, but I had decided to say nothing about the matter. “Um, yea… sure…” I mumbled.

 “I’m so sorry, baby. It will be no longer than an hour” he said, leading me toward his car.

 “It’s fine… I’ll just head over to your house. I’ll see you later. Have fun with Nicole,” I mumbled quickly letting go of his hand and walking rapidly toward my car. The jealousy was taking over and I didn’t want Keith to be a witness.