Everything | Jenzie

s e v e n

Mackenzie's POV

Johnny's bright green eyes stared into my dull brown ones as we stood there, just looking at each other, thinking of everything that could go wrong right now.

"I came here to apologise for everything that happened in that room. I saw how upset you looked after-" 

"You don't have to apologise John." I say sitting down on Maddie's bed as he awkwardly stays standing up, it was kind of cute, the way he was shuffling around, shifting his weight from one leg to another and nervously biting his lip.

"No I do. I wanted to do it so bad Kenz. I really did want to. But if Brandon found out I wouldn't even be able to show my face at school anymore. I wouldn't be able to just live my life without 10x more bullying." He whispered, his facial features softening and his eyes watering. I didn't want to see Johnny cry, not at all, so I stood up and hugged him, for a long time.

"I'll protect you." but he shook his head frantically.

"I'm supposed to protect you! And it makes me feel like shit the fact that I can't do what I'm supposed to do because of the way I am and how terrible my life is! I want to protect you Mackenzie! And look at all the crap they still give me behind Lauren's back. She has no clue that this happens and if anything happens between me and you then that's exactly how it's going to be like with the both of us." I felt another tear fall down my face and my breathing started quickening because he was right, he was right about all of this, there is no way for me to know if the bullying gets worse and it scared me, it shocked me and scared me that I was bad for him, I was the problem. I collapsed on the floor, heaving trying to breathe. Johnny's face went white as he saw me, struggling. He ran up to me squeezing my hand tightly, "I'm going to get Maddie."

I nodded, my breathing quickening and my heart pounding out of my chest. He ran out of the room, screaming Maddie's name. My head hurt and I was panicking even more from the fact that I'm just stressing people out, which only made things worse. Why, why is my brain, my body, my everything so incapable of keeping together when I need it to the most. Normally I always know what triggers these panic attacks, or I think I know. And I think I know what triggered this one, and these sorts of things scare me even more about starting something with him, it scares me the fact that I've only known him for a little while but his words have this sort of an effect on me.

Maddie burst into the room with a wet towel and placed it on my forehead before grabbing my hands. The wet towel was stupid, I never understood why she used it. "Kenzie, it's ok just breathe. I'm here, just breathe." I tried to control my breathing, in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4. It was harder than it seemed but I was able to do it. Johnny stood behind Maddie, holding his breath and his mouth pressed into a thin line. He was really pale, he looked terrified, the fact that he cared so much was insane, I really am falling in love with this boy.

After a few minutes I was fine, and we all sat there in Maddie's room. My mom had come up because she was worried about me, and when I saw her, I hugged her, so happy to see her again after a month without her.  Johnny was sitting next to me, holding my hand as Maddie hugged me, and my mom held my other hand. Being here, in this moment made me happy, so happy that I had such supportive people surrounding me, and it made me forget, if even for just a moment, about my absolutely messed up life. 

-

Johnny had visited everyday during my suspension, so had Brynn and Lauren but they came by in the mornings to bring me stuff which was so sweet of them. They were still supporting me, even after the whole Lexi situation and it made me love them even more than I already did. Me and Johnny did different things every time he came round. One day we played mario kart, another day we baked and on the last day we just watched netflix together. It made me so happy, just being around him, he was the light in my life and I valued him so much.

My mom was angry at me for getting suspended at first, but then she heard why I was and high fived me. She made me laugh with all the comments she made about Lexi, saying she 'never liked her from the start' and that she was a 'bad influence on me'. I loved my mom, she took the week off from work, as she was the boss, just to stay with me and make sure I am ok. Maddie wouldn't stop asking me to go see a counsellor like her, she kept on explaining to me about how it really helped her and that her anxiety and depression has become a lot better since then but I didn't want to. I didn't want to talk to someone about my problems, nobody deserves to sit through that and have to listen to that.

-

By the time I had gotten back into school, the rest of the year flew by. I was basically asleep for the whole thing, so technically I had slept for 4 months, it was like being awake, but dead at the same time. In my head, I didn't remember anything that happened, it was torture, being there, but not really there. It felt like I was sleepwalking, because I had no clue what my body was doing, my brain wasn't there with it at all. Instead it was in the darkest corner of my mind, collecting all the dark thoughts, and preparing for war. The four months flew by and before I knew it, it was the day before New Year's Eve.

-

No one was having an epic new year's party this year, everyone had their own plans and so did me, Brynn and Lauren. We had decided that we were going to throw our own epic new year's eve sleepover together at Lauren's house. We had discussed it over houseparty, talked about the food and drinks we were going to have, the music we would listen to, and for once in my life, I was excited, I was awake, after four months. I was finally awake. And I couldn't wait to see the people I love again.

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I'm sorry that was a really sucky chapter

And I also apologise for the mahoosive time jump

I realised I don't want this story to be 40 chapters long

And I'm aiming for it to be no more than 20 chapters

Unless you guys say otherwise

I love you lots and look forward to some steamy jenzie scenes.

{1205 words xoxo}

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