Temptation Of Grey

Chapter 3 - The Jedi Books

He sat hesitantly at the table of the little hut and watched Rey, who began to search the supplies and generate a ration of food. Rey watched Ben from the corner of her eye. She did not miss the nervousness and mistrust he still had for her. He was probably not used to someone doing something for him, without waiting for a command and without a return.

It was amazing that both of them, despite their different origins, had to make almost identical experiences in their lives. A dangerous environment without affection and trust had also been her companion. Even more surprising, that both had developed such different strategies of survival. Although she had to admit, that the mental abuse that snoke had given to Ben, luckily she had never experienced. She shuddered at the thought of what manipulations Snoke had been capable of.

She put the food and water on the table in front of Ben and sat down opposite to him. He touched nothing, staring at her with his intense gaze.

"If I wanted to kill you, I would have done that before eating, when you Were unconscious, don't you think?" she said ironically. He did not answer, but slowly began to eat.

For a while both were silent. Rey felt the shared silence to her surprise as pleasant and reassuring. In the past, she had always been alone and had often spoken to no one, but this was different, more comforting.

She started when Ben said her name softly, "Rey!" her eyes flew up to him "what do you have to say that is so important that you save my life?" He casually said that, but she could feel his deep emotions with those words. She blushed slightly and frowned, possibly because he knew what she knew and ahhhh it was really exhausting that soulmate thing...

Rey straightened her shoulders, took a deep breath and started to tell:

"On Ahch-To, there was not only the Jedi Temple, but also the Tree of Life, which contained the traditions of the Jedi and the force. They could be the only books, that contain the secrets and history of the Jedi. They were kept in honor by the Jedi for a longtime.

Luke, howaver, wanted to destroy the books, when he thought, the order of the Jedi must end. However, I took the books with me when I left the island before Luke could put his plan into action."

He stared at her "Where are these books now?" he asked demandingly.

"They are safe, but l will not tell you where they are and" Rey's gaze became hard "You will not even try to get that information out of me, otherwise it will be painful for both of us .."

Ben stared back at her slightly annoyed. "You should not challenge me too much, Rey, I could lose patience." She did not let herself be provoked and replied calmly, "And you should not underestimate me, you should have learned that by now." May i continue now? " He nodded.

"After our last meeting and separation ..." she lowered her eyes at the memory of the sadness she had felt that day, even though they had managed to escape. Ben could feel her senses, but closed himself and gave no hint to Rey of how he remembered that day.

"Anyway after that day, I wanted to know more about the cause of our connection and how it relates to our power, so I searched the books for clues." She looked at him now with a serious look "and I've found what i was looking for."

Ben could not help but hold his breath. He, too, had wondered again and again whether their connection had come about only through Snoke's manipulation and not because they had both made the bond themselves. In fact, he wondered if his feelings for her were all the product of a lie and brainwashing, or real. He did not know what to believe after all Snoke had told them before he died.

"I've found an old legend in the books, the legend of the gray Jedi. So the gray Jedi were the highest and most powerful stage in the existence of a Jedi, very difficult to reach and attainable only through very specific conditions.

Most times the candidates were already failing on the first condition: A user of the light side of the force and a user ofthe dark side ofthe force must join their power and start the development together. The once knotted forcebond will never be separated again and the lives of the two Jedi are irrevocably linked. "

Rey now looked directly at Ben's astonished eyes." They are so connected that the death of one causes the death of the other , that means, neither of them can survive on their own. " Ben jumped up from his chair so fast that he crashed backwards on the floor, staring at her," are you telling me that such a bond is connecting us? " he began to pace restlessly.

"I believe this bond started to form on our first encounter when you asked me about the map to find Luke, and Snoke, he probably closed it by intervening, presumably without knowing how it works, or maybe he knew it too and accepted our death in his experiment, who knows. " She had also got up and approached him carefully. "Anyway, I think we've unknowingly completed the first stage of developement."

Ben looked at her in disbelief, then angry. Suddenly his hand shot out, grabbed her by the neck and pushed her against the wall.

"And all this l'm supposed to believe you, do you think that would stop me from finally destroying the Jedi Order, do you think I could not kill you?" he said the words quietly, almost tenderly to her, but she knew that his behavior was unpredictable, he was too upset.

Rey looked at him, looked at his face. The face she had in her mind every night and often during the day. She was so tired. The eternal fight, the constant survival, the loneliness. She was so tired of all this, tired of living with this burden without any support.

Tears of exhaustion and resignation began to run down her cheeks.

"Then I think you shouldn't just threaten it anymore, you should just do it now, kill me." She raised her hand and touched the deep scar on his face that she had inflicted on him in the snow, a long time ago, at that night. He jerked back slightly as her fingertips touched his skin.

"If I'm wrong, you can finally celebrate your triumph and if not, then the whole conflict will end, at least the force will no longer be involved."

"Do it finally, l'm sick of it, the whole fight and the eternal cycle of war, death and violence, so go ahead!" she grabbed him by the collar of his tunic and shook him. His hand tightened around her neck, his face was twisted to the utmost tension. She could see the darkness in his eyes, the anger, but he did not press hard, he did not finish it. Instead, he began banging the other fist in uncontrollably rage against the wall beside her head.

"I can't do it" he shouted, then stopped his now bloody fist and leaned his hand against the wall, breathing heavily, staring at her angrily "I can't do it" his eyes burned her "I can't kill you, even if it didn't mean my death too, because that would still be like dying for myself, if you were dead ... either way," He fixed her with his eyes: "I need you, with me, otherwise something is missing ... I'm not completely .." His eyes became clear and he looked at her in astonishment, like a kid who had learned an important lesson and she lost every possible word she could gave him back, just starring at him in astonishment.

He took his hand from her throat and touched her cheek gently. "I know, deep down I always knew it, I know your theory is right."

And then he did something that completely disconcerted Rey, wrapping his huge arms around her body and pulling her close. At first she stiffened instinctively, but could not resist this wonderful feeling of security after such a long time, and sighed closer to his warm body.

"It's strange," he whispered in her hair, "I have not hugged anyone since I was a kid, so i hope that's okay for you." he hesitated slightly and wanted to pull back "I should not have done that" but she clung tight and pulled him back to her "no, I really like that, to be honest, i need it now to survive, so please do it simply further!" she murmured at his chest, sad at the thought that he had spent so many years without any real attention, just like her. So he strengthened the hug again and allowed himself a moment of relaxation.

After a while Rey opened her eyes and froze at the sight of the hut. "What's that damned about?" Ben opened his eyes, broke away from her, and spun around without letting go, then paused in astonishment as well.

Every moving object in the cabin had risen into the air and remained there in a strange limbo.