Temptation Of Grey

Chapter 18 - Letter from the Hereafter

Ben just stared at Rey, frozen in the place where he had sat down. He was not sure if he wanted to listen to her, if he wanted to get anything out of his past again. On the other hand, he craved this information that only she could give him. So he asked her with a hesitant voice, "Speak!"

The fear in Rey took on huge forms. The fear that after this conversation, nothing would be the same, that he would withdraw from her. That he would avoid any contact with her. She shivered, but she decided to pull herself together and begin.

"You know...I have never been subjected to psychic violence as you were. As far as I know from your mother, Snoke has been trying to manipulate you since your birth, trying to pervert your mind." Rey looked at Ben and felt his inner numbness and disinclination to reveal something about his past. But she still spoke calmly:

"Such kind of violence was never present when I grew up. It was just about survival. I had nothing and was nothing and it could only get better. Physical violence could have been an issue, but I learned early on how to assert myself quickly and harshly when someone challenged me, and I kept out of everything and lived away from the actual community. Today I think I survived because I was already stronger than "normal" people, maybe because of the force. People were scared of me and kept away. And...I have always been a hopeful person, always ready to make the best of a situation, that's my personality."

She looked at him steadily, felt that she had aroused his curiosity and that he wanted to know what was going on in her and what she wanted to tell him, so she continued: "In comparison you were born into a family whose genealogical descent is bound up with high expectations. You were the child of the revolutionary heroes, the last Jedi generation, the hope for the future, a prince. You did not have a carefree childhood. Your parents fled into their old life models when the relationship did not work. What will become of you, they have not considered, despite all the love that they have certainly felt for you." Tears came to her eyes as she felt his anger, sadness, helplessness and self-hatred raging in him as he surrendered to the memories of his childhood. She stepped closer to him and very slowly put a hand on his fist clenched hand on his lap.

"They have passed their responsibility on to a man who, while having incredible strength, had no idea how to deal with an introverted, complicated and manipulated child. Luke was a hero, a Jedi with a lot of power, a positive-thinking person. But he was also naive, not fully trained and maybe also a bit overwhelmed with the expectations placed on him. So he misjudged some situations, seemingly underestimating the influence of Snoke and ordering the received visions of the dark side of power too much to you and your descent to your grandfather, rather than wondering if anything else could be behind it. To the point where he was tempted to betray you - his student."

Ben sank his eyes, filled with all the strength of restrained emotions, into hers. She could feel the contact almost physically and took a deep breath to continue:

"Your mother already suspected that we would meet again. How she knew this before her death is a mystery to me. I think the force was stronger in your mother than anybody could have guessed. She asked me for two things. I do not know if you already know these things but I will tell them to you now." Rey took another long breath and continued:

"This is my first task your mother told me to do: Luke did not want to hurt you." At that, Ben's head shot up and his eyes narrowed with tension, but Rey kept talking: "The fear of repeating the past and reawakening the dark side of power that had already cost him so much, tempted him in the first place, but he already realized that this was not the way to go and regretted it to have had that thoughts when you woke up and discovered him. After that, there was no time for explanations, you instinctively responded to the threat and from that moment on you kept to Snoke's orders ..."

She was silent and for a long time it was deathly quiet. Rey and Ben stared into each other's eyes, a silent exchange of emotions, thoughts, feelings. The storm in Ben's mind threatened to overwhelm Rey, but she stopped and ended her plan by telling Ben the most important information:

"Ben, and your mother ... I know that she loved you very much. Personally, I was able to speak to her before she died, and I should keep a message for you. She told me to give you this message if you doubted yourself once again hesitant to do the right thing."

Rey pulled a white parchment from her jacket pocket, which was decorated with fine, even calligraphy. "Here's the letter and do not worry, I haven't read it." She put the parchment beside his hands and stepped back. "I leave you alone so you can read in peace and... I hope you forgive me, that I have waited so long to tell you about it....but I just feel that now and here, in this moment, is the right time to deliver the message of your mother to you."

Rey went away. Ben stared for a long time at the letter without touching it. Rey's revelations were already hard to deal with. He did not feel up to the next step of reading this letter. Nevertheless, he finally took it in his hand, unfolded the page and read:

My beloved son,

when I close my eyes, I can still smell your sweet, innocent baby-scent, I still feel your velvety black curls on my hand, feel how our two thoughts are intertwined by the force, I can hear your laugh when your dad or chewie threw you around again.

But I also see the pain in your eyes as we have given you away to begin your training, I feel the dark presence in your mind that makes me goosebumps and put up the hair on my neck and most of all I feel the guilt of failure that crushes me when I think that I have delivered you to this dark presence instead of oppose me against anything that could even harm you in any way.

If you read these lines, Rey has managed to reach you. Both ways, in the real world and spiritually, otherwise you would not waste your time with a letter from your mother. If you read this, it is also that I do not live anymore. Therefore, I wanted to make sure, also in the name of your father, that you get the following message for your further life and I wish that you feel deeply in your soul, the truth of my words:

The love of your parents for you was, is and always will be unconditional and endless! It has always been that way and so it will be for infinity!

We will always be in your heart, in your soul, and accompany you, no matter which way to go, no matter what mistakes you make. Because you are our son, our flesh and blood, the product of our strong love, which has never ended even after our separation.

We firmly believe that despite all the resistance, manipulation, rejection and error, even after all the drama, injuries and mistakes within our family, you will have the opportunity to turn into this powerful, proud and strong man who can bring healing to this unsolvable conflict in the galaxy.

I just followed the mistake that you have to do this alone and that you have to carry the light side inside yourself only. Now I know that this is not the case, because you are not alone, you are not pure light or pure dark, but half of a shared infinitely greater power. When you read this letter, you have already met your true destiny, your other half, your completion. You will know what I want to tell you. You will feel that I am right. And in this ultimate truth lies the key to saving the galaxy.

Ben, my beautiful, strong, wonderful son. Face your destiny, join with your destiny... together you can achieve everything.

I love you forever. Your mother

Ben stared at the paper, tears running down his cheeks unnoticed, "our love for you is endless..." He wanted to deny those words, reject them. He did not want to give meaning to them. But his mothers words already stole themselves into his heart, filled it in, where previously only emptiness had been, began to heal wounds that had hitherto lain open. He had not realized how much he had needed those words until he had received them.

He stayed there for a long time thinking of his family. The guilt over his past deeds was overwhelming and yet his mother believed in him. His chest tightened and then he felt a strange clarity and something light coming up .... hope.

His thoughts start racing around the message his mother had left for him "You will know what I want to tell you", "You already met your true destiny" ... "..your destiny ..." and then, as if all the thoughts and spells of words condensed into a single result, he opened his eyes and whispered: "Rey!"