Goodbye for now || n.h

Chapter 28

Two months later I was beginning to get my life back. I was working again, eating healthy and I've been trying to be happy. Mum moved in with me weeks after the funeral and it has been really helpful. She helps me with the bills and she takes care of the kids when I can't. My mum has been my rock throughout this entire thing. I don't know what I would have done without her.

It's hard to hear the kids asking where mommy is. And it's hard to tell them she's not coming back. Jamie is starting to understand a bit what has happened, but Taylor is still clueless.

"Hey, how's the song coming?"

I was startled by the sudden voice. My co-worker Will entered the room, handing me a cup of coffee.

"It's harder than I thought it would be to put my feelings into lyrics."

"Mate, no one is judging you or expecting a worldwide hit from you. This is a personal song for you and right now, only you. Take your time with it."

He sat down in the chair across from me.

"May I look at what you have so far?"

I pushed the paper towards him. He skimmed through the lyrics and then looked up at me.

"It's like a diary."

"Dakota used to write letters for the future. It was her way of remembering stuff, and reminding me about stuff. She has an entire box in her closet that's filled with letters for the kids. Letters to give them on their eighteenth birthday, on their wedding day and on their first day of school. Days she won't be able to attend." I mumbled.

He gave me a sad smile.

That's basically what everyone does nowadays. They give me sad smiles, which are supposed to be comforting or some shit. Not everyone gets to go through what I'm dealing with. So people just don't know what to say to me.

I've lost the person who meant the most to me. I've lost the love of my life and she's never coming back. I never get to hold her again, kiss her again or simply just talk to her again.

And people smile.

I stepped into the apartment a few hours later, and as usual Jamie rushed towards me to hug me.

"Hey bud, how was kindergarten?" I asked and took off my shoes, letting my bag fall to the floor and hung my jacket on the wall.

"I learned to count to twenty! Wanna hear it?"

"Sure." I smiled and ruffled his hair.

He began counting as we walked towards the living room. Mum was sitting in the sofa, near Taylor's playpen and she was reading a book out loud for my daughter. Taylor threw her stuffed animal over the edge when she saw me, screaming "daddy" even with her pacifier between her lips.

"You forgot thirteen." I chuckled and looked down at Jamie before I picked up Taylor's stuffed cat from the floor.

Jamie stomped once, probably annoyed by himself. So he began counting from one.

***
One year later.

I had woken up earlier than necessary this morning. Jamie was now six years old and I had to wake him up for his first day of school. Dakota had left one specific letter for this day and I was planning on reading it to him before we leave.

Unlike his father, Jamie was a morning person. So I wasn't really surprised to see him almost fully dressed when I stepped into their bedroom. Taylor was awake too, but her brother was running around in the room, picking up toys he wanted to bring to school.