"You are responsible for your own happiness. If you expect others to make you happy all the time, you'll be disappointed"
This is what I've learned; my mom didn't have the best relationships in her life, you could say she's chosen wrong every time, and each time getting hurt because she expected too much. That's why I don't expect anything from anyone other than myself, to be strong, to be the best in all I can and to be happy.
For me, so far I'm the priority and the most important so I'm always striving to "only care about my happiness" as some people see it, because it's better to be precautious and try to prevent being hurt rather than getting hurt in the process of trusting someone.
But all of this doesn't mean I don't care or that I'll never trust someone in my life because I do care and will trust someone one day. I don't know what I did so that you think I never cared because for all that I know I cared and backed you up in all occasions I could. Was it because I seemed cold sometimes or "always"? (I also have a life and things does happen in it which I have to take care of, things I have to worry about).
I mean, you did wrong...
I don't want to judge or anything but I can't just ignore the fact that you lied. I mean... idk it's just I can't help myself to not trust you, it actually started ever since that day and I was low-key right then. Now that I look back, I was right. You never wanting to call me unnie, neglecting and other stuff... that just explains it all. I might have acted as if I don't care but I did and I still do because you had your reasons but I can't trust you anymore and its like I don't know you because it was all lies. But "who cares anyway" right. What's done is done and there is no turning back.
I guess all I want to say is that I'm not mad. I'm disappointed because lies to me means that the person isn't trustworthy "you lie once, you'll do it again"
People lie, totally. I lied before like when my sister was asking who drank her favourite bottle of juice the other day and I accused my older brother of it *shrugs* but not about something like that...
I don't even know why I'm choosing to write this because I don't want to care. I will not care. This is how I am, I shrug and disregard things because I don't want to get hurt and it helps me because I won't be too affected. Call me selfish or whatever but I'm choosing not to care.
Maybe one day I will but it's not now.
This doesn't mean that I won't listen to people and help them or be nice to them, because I am and always will, but people need to understand that sometimes I will act the way I am which in some people's eyes is cold but whatever, I don't care. If you don't understand that then fuck it.
Again, whatever's done it's done, it led us to this point and there's no turning back. You have people who cares for you and me not being there doesn't make a difference. This shit gotta stop.
"Some people will hurt you and act like you hurt them"
I might be wrong but this is how I see it.
I'm so done. Needed to let this out.
