Recovery / / h.s

Chapter Fifteen.

Lily hadn't talked to me in almost four weeks. The silence of the office was driving me insane. The fact that the silence was caused by my mistake almost drove me over the edge.

Every single day it was hell seeing her. Of course I remembered that night. I remembered everything. Vodka was something that I was all too familiar with. It didn't screw my memory up too bad anymore.

Admitting that I loved her sober was much harder than admitting it drunk. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I know Lily wanted something more, something I just couldn't give her. She needed better than me. I couldn't give her the happiness that she deserved.

I was reminded of how much of a fuck up I was the moment i took it all back. The look in her eyes- fuck- I wanted so badly to cradle her in my arms and protect her from whatever was hurting her.

That was until I realized that I was the one hurting her. As soon as this realization hit, I wanted nothing more than drown myself in any alcohol I could find. I needed to erase the image of seeing her hurt and desperate from my words.

I couldn't complain about the lack of communication from Lily because I didn't try talking to her either. What would I say? Nothing I could say could possibly make up for what I did. I had to let her go.

"I'm sorry man," Ashton sympathized from the passenger seat of my car. As much as I hated telling anyone anything, I had to let it out. It was starting to drive me up a wall.

"And the worst part is that I have to see her every single day," I said, flipping the hair out of my face. "It's literal hell and I'm absolutely miserable." I was always miserable, but this was a new kind of misery that I hadn't reached until now in my sad life.

"How is she? Like, how does she seem to be dealing with it?" He wondered, tapping on his thigh lightly to the dum solo that blared through the speakers.

I shrugged. "I haven't fucking talked to her in four weeks, Irwin. I have no clue. I mean, at first I felt like she was just as miserable as I was. Now she acts like I don't even exist." It hurt, it really fucking did.

"Talk to her," he said as if it were the easiest thing in the world. Maybe it was. Maybe I was just making things more complicated then they needed to be.

"Let's say that it was that easy. What would I even say?" I asked. I flipped my hair again, this time anxiously instead of conveniently.

"Well," he started. "First you would apologize for being a dick. You'll tell her that you remember it all and you wanna start over. She'll either accept your apology or completely blow you off."

"That's what I'm afraid of," I said with a sigh. I have never been able to deal with rejection, mainly because I had never really been rejected. Rejection coming from Lily would be my breaking point.

"You just have to walk in there and do it Styles," he said with a smile. I pulled into the parking lot of the station and I was suddenly grateful that I had decided to finally let Ashton come to the station with me. He wanted to be a police officer one day, and wouldn't stop begging me about it. I only had to work the last half of my shift that particular day, so I would only be dealing with him for a few hours. He was lucky he was my favorite.

I walked into the station first, my eyes eagerly searching for Lily. They spotted a bit of light brown hair in the mix of the few officers scattered around.

She threw her head back in laughter as one of the officers, who's name I had yet to learn, used hand gestures to iterate whatever it was he was talking about. The sound was magical. I hadn't heard that laugh in almost four weeks.

"Are you excited?" I heard the balding man ask her. I was keeping my distance for now, waiting until she finished the conversation. I was still within earshot, ready to talk to her as soon as the time was right.

"When the summer started, I never pictured myself going to so many of these stupid parties. They're ridiculous. He invited me, so it's not like I can decline. Not that I want to or anything," she laughed again and i wondered who the hell "he" was.

I realized the cop must be pretty cool of he was letting Lily spill to him about a teenage party. Most cops would pull the plug on those types of things.

"It's at Olivia's boyfriends house, Liam. He's great for her and he has this huge house. Every year he throws this huge party before school starts," she went on. Liam Payne? What happened to the cameras? What happened to being kicked out on the street?

The school kick-off parties were always a blast, don't get me wrong. However, they definitely weren't anything worth being kicked out over.

"And he's going to be there?" The man asked with a wink. he seemed so gossipy for a police officer who was over the age of forty.

"He will be," her voice probably raised three octaves in excitement.

Who the hell was "he"? I needed to know. The jealousy boiling up inside of me was already too much to bear. As much as I hated the idea of seeing Liam, I had to go to this party. And that's exactly what I intended to do.