OBLIVIOUS. (way of life - Islamic book)

#P1 DISCUSSION(with a sister) : SLEEPING WITH SPOUSE.SHY.SCARED/A NON-MEHRAM.

"Verily, As-Salah (the prayer) prevents from Al-Fahshaa' (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)" Surah Al-'Ankabut [29:45]

A DISCUSSION WITH A BEAUTIFUL UKHT.

Sister; actually. The thing.. is the ritual that which is part of a marriage(sexual intercourse) that what is assessed necessary by our Almighty; the one who helps forge our successors!! You know.. you might be getting what I am gesturing here, though I shall spill the thing to you. Whenever this thing comes in view at any point in life; whether with friends, or during studies, or with cousins, or Hadith..

..... I feel like, and i even had come across once when this kind of scenario took place. I tried it avoiding by leaving the place or tossing the subject but unfortunately..it's just..like it seems disgusting to me..!! I know I shouldn't be saying this..but what should I do sister?? I need help; please help me out of it. Cousins say that "it's a gift from Almighty, which helps two people to connect.. I tell my self, 'you should accept this truth, sooner or later, you'll have to'. This all leaves me in nothing but a depressed state. I even cry in my Salah asking Allah s.w.t to find me a way out of it. What should I do sister...? Help me out...

Niqabi; sister I, myself have always been shy at skin shipping, be it with my own parents or siblings. But canem, fret not. Do not feel bad in any way. Just think how Allah s.w.t has created humans, and to give birth to a new life, we have to engage in this blessed activity. Once you've found your soul mate, all this would become a beautiful desire.

Sister. I, myself too felt disgusted at this topic during lessons in school. But if this isn't taught, and not learned carefully how will a husband and wife will do it, and accordingly to Islam. People will make regrettable mistakes. So while the two commit this action, they must do it with sincerity not with ill intentions, and they must recite dua'a too.

Heart changes. This is a true story(but I'll change the names) ~> Canan was betrothed to her cousin three years ago. She and her fiancé don't converse at all, as they tend to keep it halal. They do not want to be attached heartily before nikah. They know well how syaitan tempts humans to discuss or commit the forbidden. Hakim suggests it, Canan finds it beautiful, and she agrees.

Despite trend's say, 'if you don't know your partner so well, or haven't slept with him/her yet, you'll never understand each other'. And unfortunately those are one of the most cursed relationships. Canan decided she'd rather be pure. Heartily. Soulfully. Because she trusts Allah s.w.t and He'll create a perfect understanding between them.

She didn't love him yet because they weren't married. And that's how it is supposed to be. Or if she were to be madly in love with Hakim already before marriage it would be foolish. Per chance if something peculiar occurs, or per chance her engagement breaks. She'd face a great level of mental torture. Impulsively, a person might commit suicide, or commit fornication.

Which is why she only liked him as her fiance(husband to be), it is halal.

Canan also wasn't confident, or felt safe regard this topic(one you mentioned). But she understood one day. Not long before her marriage, she naturally begun to have thoughts like such, 'she was someone who was going to be close to him, and he to her.' She begun to think that she would actually really want to marry him. And so on, she began to accept the fact of going through the blessed activity. 'They'd be blessed by Allah to have each other. They would belong to each other, in sha Allah.'

So sister, when you'll accept your spouse heartily just as Canan you will want to be close to him/her. Allah s.w.t has created us beautifully. And so we shall also seek a beautiful relationship with our beloved person, in a halal way.

Since you are too young. Learn it necessarily as a lesson for now. But always pray to Allah to bless you with a righteous spouse. Wait for a halal relationship. Nd not 2 4get, we should not forget that 'we too need to fulfill our rights towards Allah too'.

best keys to prevent yourself from engaging in filth.
>lower your gaze! Don't look!
>recite astagfhar! Repent!
>remind yourself, Allah is watching!
>connect with your Salah; learn about haya in Islam
>try not to look at people whom are inappropriately clothed.

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السلام عليكم
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One of the other reasons why watching haram movies/dramas - reading haram books is a bad influence is because they teach to overestimate everything from a marriage life; relationship between a spouse and ups-downs. In mature content; they show how men/women are demanding or rough during the sexual intercourse. That's not Islam! Islam teaches peace, gentility, kindness, respect.

A righteous spouse will not force himself on his wife.
So will a righteous wife not force herself on her spouse.