Jacob Anderson didn't have quite the knack for love, or anything remotely romantic for that matter. It wasn't that he was ugly, no, he was fairly average-looking. Brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin. He didn't have girls falling for him left to right...
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THAT NIGHT, GETTING sleep was difficult. I tossed and turned in my bed, eyes wide open as I'd stared up at my blank ceiling. My mind buzzed with several thoughts, all of them about you, you and only you.
I'd gotten up for what seemed like the seventh time that night, silently trudging towards the dark kitchen table, your journal tight in hand. The faint humming of the refrigerator was the only other sound audible as I flicked open the light, sitting down at the end of the table.
My heart raced at the thought of having to read that page again, but it was one of the only ways to wrap my mind around this harsh reality. I couldn't take it, Mabel. My eyes stung with hot tears as I cautiously flipped the cover open, my trembling hand finding its way to the sheet I'd mentally bookmarked.
"This is so stupid..." I whispered to myself. You'd always seemed so fine, walking the school halls without a care in the world. And now... I'd known your secret. A secret you didn't plan on sharing with anyone, it seemed.
Your smiles, were they fake? Did you really feel happiness in the times we spent together, Mabel? Questions like these were what filled my mind, and I found myself falling asleep right on the kitchen table.
☼
The school day passed quickly, regardless of my lack of sleep. Dismissal was stressful - I was one of the last few students out of the school, along with you.
Though I was excited, I couldn't ignore the heavy weight your small notebook had in my backpack. We'd stopped at our favorite park and sat.
Our conversation flowed quite awkwardly, your laughs being genuine and mine being forced and short. I don't think you noticed, you never really noticed much when it came to me.
Finally, the cat came out of the bag - the cat wasn't restrained well enough, I'd say. "Mabel..." I began.
"Hm?"
"Uh, I found your notebook yesterday. It wasn't on pur--"
You'd let out a loud gasp then and I'd thought something was terribly wrong. I watched as your wide smile quickly fell, "where is it? Please tell me it isn't at your house, Jacob."
"No! No, Mabel, it isn't. I wouldn't leave it at home, it looked important to you." I turned around to retrieve the notebook from my bag and you'd quickly grabbed it.
"Thank you... did you read it?" You'd asked cautiously.
"...yes, I couldn't really stop myself from doing it. My apologies."
"No, I'm sorry," you mumbled, your voice wavering with emotion as you clutched the journal to your chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," you repeated through tears, though I resisted the urge to wrap you in my arms.
"I don't understand," I whispered. "Why... what..."
