September

18: Start over or start again?

We sat for a while in complete silence. For a moment, there was nothing to be said. It seemed that we were both lost in ourselves as if the other wasn't there. No sign of awkwardness, just a matter of dissociation.

Memories flashed before my eyes and once it started there was no stopping it. I tried to pry my mind from it, to live in the present instead, but it was easier in the past. The story of us was still writing itself, and it hasn't ended. Now it seemed we were in a sequel, but the conflict was the past, and not knowing how to move forward or if we should. It seemed right, but many things seem right that couldn't be more wrong.

We still know each other, at least it seems we do, but there's still a tension no matter how hard we try to claim there's not. Do we confront the past, or pretend it never happened and start fresh? When that's the question, how do you know the right answer?

"Dakota," she began softly. She hesitated when I looked over at her. "Are you okay? You look lost. Usually, you don't have that look, no matter how hard you're thinking."

I waited a moment before I said anything, hoping that my words would manage to come out right. "I don't know how to explain what I'm thinking if I'm being honest. I haven't sorted through the thoughts myself.'

"Okay, I won't push, but I'll be here if you want anyone to listen while you try."

"Well, it could be easier, I just want to understand what you're looking for. I don't want either of us to try to make this work if it turns out to be the opposite of working out. And I don't like to give anything half-hearted, I prefer to give my all, but I also need to make sure it's the right thing to do. I mean, there's a chance it ends differently, but there's an equal chance it'll end close to the same. I just don't know what to do."

"You can start by being here." She said. " I had similar thoughts, but if you're truly willing, and now that we're alone, I think we can be more honest with each other. I think we could try our best to make it work. Could it fall apart again, of course, but it'd be nice to say we tried."

"Well, maybe that's all we need. To try and see what happens. It'd at least prove that we're just wrong for each other," she replied.

"You have a good point."

"Of course I do," she laughed. "I learned my reasoning skills from you. God knows they weren't there before."

"I'm sure they were there," I began to laugh, too.

"You know, I used to constantly wonder what it would be like if we saw each other again. Then it seemed we saw each other everywhere, but let's not kid ourselves, it was cause of two people. But in all the versions I played out, I don't know exactly where I'm going with this," she let out an exasperated laugh. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I didn't think you were going to give me another chance."

"I used to wonder those exact things. What would happen if we saw each other, would we try to work it out, and if it would work out. But honestly, the first time, at the wedding, I tried to avoid you when I first noticed you. But I guess we know a few things we didn't then. One is, we did meet up again, and two, we're starting over again. Maybe we don't know where it'll lead, but we didn't then either.'

"So, I guess, it's time for new beginnings."

"New beginnings," I repeated, not sure why I did, but it just seemed right.

We didn't say anything for a minute or two, just let the time pass in silence.

"Je te veux." She looked at me.

"I feel the same," I said.

"I said it right?" She asked.

"You said, 'I want you.' "

"I said it right. I can beat you at your game." She laughed.

"Let's see about that." I said. "Toi et moi pour toujours"

She glared at me, "Qu'est-ce que je ferais sans toi."

"Lose your mind." I laughed.

"Probably."

We both laughed. "Same here," I said.

"You're my nepenthe." She smiled.

"You've really been working on that." I laughed. "That's cute."

"How?" She asked.

"Because last year I read the whole dictionary."

"No, you didn't. Nobody reads that thing." She said.

"I did. It was as easy as 'War and Peace.' "

"Only you could think 'War and Peace' was easy. That book is..." She moved her fingers to imply huge. "This big. Who can read that?"

"I read it in a few days. It was a great book. Of course, the movie was great too."

"Never seen it." She said. I dramatically gasped before laughing.

"No. I need to bring it over, or you need to come over sometime, and we can watch it. But we'll need to get popcorn."

"Yeah, it's illegal to watch a movie without popcorn.""It is."

"Toi et moi." I whispered. "I think I win."

"I missed you." She said.

"Believe me. I missed you more." I said.

"I don't know if that's possible."

"It is."

I can't help but smile. Who would've thought this is how it would turn out. I'm here with her. She's here with me. And for a second it was perfect. But perfection is: ephemeral. It's just the nature of things. It lasts only for a short time before it changes.

I am terrible at updating. I'm sorry. Also, I used Google Translate. I'm actually trying to learn the language, but I only know a few phrases so far. (And that last scene was in the original draft, so I was like 16 when I wrote it.) And over the next few chapters a conflict will rise :)

Well, anyway, I hope you're doing well. And I hope you have a wonderful day or night!

~Kailyn