Starbird

Chapter 35

Eighteen.

The number rang in my ears as I woke up the morning of my birthday.

It continued as I did every ridiculous and rambunctious thing with Becca and Riley as we took the train to Nice.

The number was on display as I blew out my candles and my parents handed me my gifts.

Eighteen meant so much.

Yet I felt like it was so little.

Most people begin to believe that at the age of eighteen, you get passage into this beautiful new age of opportunity and freedom. Most people say that it’s great for relationships because college guys are tangible options and you don’t have to worry about the immature high schoolers. Most people have told me that you can do anything in this stage of young adulthood.

However, instead of this exciting, new, freeing feeling, I felt lost. I wasn’t getting out of high school, I still had one more year. So it shot that horse in the face. The boy that I liked was, yes, older than me, but at this moment in time seemed completely out of my grasp. It was at this age that I had absolutely no clue how to once again gain control of my life.

I didn’t like this feeling.

Two days after my birthday and not doing anything except lounging around with Becca and Riley, we drove them to the airport and said goodbye. They were mildly grumpy that they didn’t get to see Liam before they left, nor that he got me anything for my birthday. I told them it really didn’t matter, even if it did sting a little. We hugged goodbye, promising that we would see each other at Christmas even if it was completely up to my family to send me to Portland to see our grandparents and friends who I hadn’t seen for over a year now. As I watched them go past security and out of view, I felt abandoned. I really shouldn’t have, it was great to see them again and I knew they couldn’t stay forever, but at this point they were the only people left for sanity. 

My parents were on the flight the next day to England so they could resume work in a place with less distractions and then it was back to just being James and I.

“Hey Cammie, what are you up to tomorrow?” James asked, coming into the hotel room late Friday evening.

“Art? Photo editing? Working on my summer reading list?”

“So nothing?”

“Yeah, pretty much, what’s up?”

“We have a free day tomorrow and we just want to actually enjoy the beach. Want to come?”

I didn’t expect it to be a hard choice. I loved the beach, I always have. Even the stormy beaches in Oregon that you couldn’t actually swim in, I adored. I loved the smell of salt and the feeling of sand between toes and the way everything seemed simpler. However, I didn’t like how James mentioned “we” because “we” usually meant Liam was included.

“Okay, I know that you’re still a little uncomfortable with Liam. But Cam, it’s been two months now.” It’s not like that fact made it any easier. Liam has had two months to talk to me about it. And maybe I was being petty about not just finally addressing him about it, but I didn’t want to do that either.

“You win as usual, fine, I’ll come.”

James smiled and told me the time we’d be leaving to meet up with the others before disappearing into the bathroom. 

I sighed dramatically, flopping onto my bed. All I could hope for, for tomorrow, was smooth sailing.