A drunken one night stand three years ago, that's how it started.
And Matty never finding out he has a son, is how she wants it to stay.
But she's a fool if she thinks it will end that way.
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The thought of having to do this by email left me uneasy. How the hell was I meant to do this without sounding like some freak who was willing to say and do anything in hope to gain Matty's attention for five minutes.
I had thought about attaching a photo of Timmy to the email, at least then that's sort of proof. No one could ever look at my son and not instantly see the resemblance of him and Matthew.
But I worried it would somehow get leaked. And the thought of this leaking with my name was bad enough without my son being laughed at and talked about too. It had to just be a case of if they believe me or not and if they want to take things any further once having this information.
My fingers drummed lightly against the laptop. The room now in silence as Jessie had gone to work and Timmy was sat on the floor colouring his colouring books, of course out of the lines, but he was my son, patience was never a strong point of ours.
Which brought me back to now. I just wanted this whole thing over and done with. Yet this wouldn't even be the start.
I smiled fondly down at him as he was oblivious to my antics.
Praying I was doing the right thing here for him.
I had thought about the future, wondering if he would ever want to go in search of his dad. If that time came, I would have happily given his fathers name to him, so he could find him. But where is the fairness in that. Timmy didn't ask for any of this. Neither did Matty, thinking of it.
Hearing Jessie's words in my head to just stop thinking and do it, that's what I do. But five words in, I'm immediately deleting what I typed and trying again.
But I find myself deleting it again. Becoming frustrated with myself.
Why is this so hard? Why do I have no words to put down.
Because what ever I sent here, would determine all our lives. And I couldn't help but think this would ruin Matthew's if and when he found out about us. Could I carry that burden on my shoulders for the rest of my life? Could I carry on how things are, never giving him that chance? Never knowing.
Taking in a deep breath, promising myself whatever I type this time, to keep, I begin...
*** Dear Jamie,
My friend had given me this email address with the information that you manage the band, The 1975. Along with a massive push to do this.
My name is Taylor White. And with great anticipation, I find myself typing this and aware how ludicrous and ridiculous you will find this email. But please take into consideration I do this with a nervous and anxious mind.
About three years ago, I met Matthew Healy in a club in Manchester. (I can provide further details of which night club and the date if needs be) after a lot of drinks, one thing led to another and I found myself at an apartment he was renting in the city. Having spent the night with Mr Healy, we parted ways the next morning.
Shortly after our encounter, I found out I was in fact pregnant. The reason for this email should now be obvious. I decided to keep the baby, and now have a happy, healthy, two year old little boy named Timmy. Who is the spitting image of his Father. ( a picture can be sent, when knowing it would be in safe hands)
I understand your confusion and get that some of this may not add up in your head and you undoubtedly may have questions. The reason for me only just speaking up about this, is that I assumed Matty would be best left out of this whole situation with him leading a completely different life-style to mine. I felt it would only jeopardise his career and interfere with things.
But as my son (his son) continues to grow, I fear neither of them knowing the truth is the wrong thing to do. And would like to at least give Matthew the opportunity to decide for himself what is best.
If there is any way you could help and assist in any of this. I would be massively grateful.
Kind regards, Taylor White. ***
And with that, I attach my mobile and email at the bottom.
Feeling nothing but bewildered at the fact I've just exposed my biggest secret to another human being. A human being that knows my sons father. And that my son, could in fact, actually meet his father really soon.
