Baby Daddy! °Matty Healy°

°21°

We were now gathered at the side of the stage, right at the front, with a barrier cutting us off from the rest of the audience.

Thank god it was now dark out here, I feared my eyes would be swollen and red from having to hold back the tears. A few escaping every now and then, more from embarrassment than anything.
Feeling sick from having to spend the night pretending I was more than fine in front of everyone, when all I wanted to do was go home, lock myself away from everyone and cry myself to sleep.

No one else knew of my feelings. And I'd barely seen my best friend since we got here to tell her what I'd recently found out.

Having spent the last few hours being introduced to many of the crew and friends of the band, the night had soon worn my boy out who was now close to being asleep, resting against my chest, letting out random yawns, the huge ear muffs the crew had given him was taking up most of his face, making him look beyond adorable.

"Smile!" Jessie boomed, holding her phone up to take a picture of me and Timmy, I turned swiftly, to get Timmy's face in view and smiled for the camera, quickly taking notice of the fact Gabby had positioned herself to be snapped with us, doing the peace sign, bringing her face in closer to my son as she stood at the opposite side of us.

I bit my tongue and threw her a faint smile afterwards, just as a girl from the crowd behind us screamed at the top of her voice how much she loved Gabby.

"I love you too!" She called back, smiling and waving over at them. And then casually smiled at me. I was already feeling exhausted with having to fake my happiness around her.

I wanted to study her. Stare her out. Find out what she had that everyone seemed to love. She had Timmy smiling and laughing at her in seconds.

My boy. My son.

Does this now mean that I'm soon going to be replaced?

I wanted to be the one to give Timmy a family. But it seemed his father already had one lined up ready for him.

Now it's Timmy, his daddy and Gabby... That kind of had a nice ring to it.... And then just me. Alone. As usual. Useless. Futile?

The faint lights suddenly dimmed down, causing a blackout, making the audience scream out at the top of their lungs with excitement from knowing they were seconds away from seeing the band.

"Good evening Manchester!" Matty's voice boomed from every speaker around this huge arena just before the lights surfaced again. The crowd went even wilder.

"Let's get this thing started!" He shouted down the mic before the guitar sounded, electrifying everyone into an ecstacy state.

"I love you" Matty crouched near this way, mouthing the words down. A huge grin threatened to spill over my face, but just in time, the movement of Gabby kissing her hand and blowing it towards him, stopped me from humiliating myself further when I realised it wasn't aimed at me. Of course not!

That moment became too much for me. Using Timmy's exhaustion as an excuse I quickly shouted into Jessie's ear that we were going to head back stage, saying the noise was too much for him and he needed sleep.

She nodded along, showing she heard, as she continued to sway and sing along to a song called She's American, whilst smiling and waving up at Adam every now and then. At least one of us were going to get some happy ending at the end of the night with this band. I wondered if Matty had put in a good word for her. I was already jealous of her and this relationship that could blossom between them.

Would I ever have that with anyone? I was failing to believe it. Who's going to want a washed up nobody, who already has as child. A child who already has a family here who could give him anything he ever wants.

Gabby's a model. Professional. Successful. Of course.
Of course Matty was never interested in a mere mortal like me who has nothing going for herself. In his eyes, I'm likely to just be some stupid idiot who got knocked up at a young age and now doesn't even know when she's able to afford the next loaf of bread off her own back. The girl her best friend has to financially look after. Who doesn't work. Who sometimes only has a conversation with a two year old because she has no friends, her own family have nothing to do with her.

Which made me wonder if he ever thought I'd maybe gotten pregnant on purpose, maybe to trap him. Had he had the same thoughts as his manager at some point and maybe assumed I'd done this to gain some attention and fame... The thought wounded me beyond belief.

.... What was I doing here?

Look at the state of me.

Walking past the side of the stage towards the back, I captured Matty's attention. Guitar in hand, going hell for leather on it to a song that didn't have many lyrics, but the music was haunting, starting off slow and then BOOM... causing me to freeze on the spot. His eyes stayed fixated on us as he went for it, grinning back at us, in his element, seeming to love having us stood so close by, being the centre of attention in our lives.... Well, not mine now.

Again my heart clenched at the site of him, tears were trying to escape my eyes, blurring my vision, from the realisation nothing would ever come of this situation for me. My feet were now unable to walk away. As though my own mind was out to hurt me and make me face the truth here and now.

Taking my attention down to Timmy who was now sleeping in my arms, stirring at the noise level up here. I mouthed a quick "sorry" and rushed off, just as the tears ran down my cheeks.

Unsure if Matty had seen.