A drunken one night stand three years ago, that's how it started.
And Matty never finding out he has a son, is how she wants it to stay.
But she's a fool if she thinks it will end that way.
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TOO MUCH!!! ☝️☝️😍😍😍😍😍 I MISS THE DARK CURLS THOUGH. APPARENTLY HE'S SAID THE "NOODLE HAIR" WILL BE MAKING A COMEBACK 😳💕💕 ..... YAAAS!!!
Today was the day. Wednesday. The day I'd been dreading, the day Jessie had been drilling my ears about none stop for the past few days.
I hadn't had a wink of sleep, the unsettling feeling sitting in the pit of my stomach hadn't worn off in the least, only multiplying as the minutes ticked down.
The door of my best friends bedroom suddenly thrashed open against the wall, "Today's the day, bitches!" She called out, stood in her door way, stretching her arms in the air, doing the rock sign with her fingers as she sang the words out loud.
Immediately I was scolding her to keep the noise down as Timmy was still sprawled out asleep in the bedroom. It was only 6.am. Jesus!
"Sorry" she chuckled, striding straight past me for the kitchen and switching the kettle on, "did you sleep there?" She asks, spotting the pillow and duvet beside me. Though the cover was still folded up and untouched.
"Wouldn't say slept, but yeah, I laid there" I admitted. Taking my attention to the side of me, still unable to believe Matthew Healy had slept in this same spot only a few days ago.
My heart fluttered. My mind clogged with the front man of The 1975 yet again. The father of my child. The man I seemed to have unexpectedly grown some sort of feelings for.
"Coffee?" She offers, reaching for the cups from the top cupboard.
"No thanks" I mutter, still clasping the flat cold cup I made over 2 hours ago.
"You're right, definitely something stronger" she calls out, already heading for the fridge and walses over with a cold bottle of white and two glasses.
Instantly I'm rolling my eyes at her as she removes the mug from my hand, why does she always seem to think alcohol is the solution to every situation.
"Have you seen the time?" I scold lightly, shaking my head laughing.
She turns, looking over her shoulder to the clock on the kitchen wall and throws a careless shrug, "wine o'clock?" And grins down at me as she passes me the glasses to hold as she fills them to the brim.
She takes a glass, muttering a cheers as she clinks her glass to mine before knocking my legs down from the side of me to take the seat there.
Her eyes are straight on me, eye balling me from the side as she takes a mouthful of wine. I do the same, knowing the twenty question game is soon to start.
"So what's on your mind dude?"
Here we go....
"Nothing" I lie, trying to fob her off and sigh as I take my attention out of the window, the sun just beginning to break through the clouds.
A grin stretches her lips as she alters how she's sat, turning to face me slightly, "again, what's on your mind dude?" She quizzes, being as persistent as ever, glaring her eyes into me.
Was there any point in lying now? And keeping this bottled up? I'd already told her how he'd kissed my cheek just before he left and how it had made me feel. How he held me in bed. How he almost kissed me just before. In fact, it's all I seemed to talk about since it happened.
It's not even like Jessie was oblivious to my feelings before any of this had happened, she seemed to know how I felt about this guy before I was even aware myself.
"So you gonna tell him?" She asked, swigging back another mouthful yet keeping her eyes fixated on me.
Again, I copied, ending up getting carried away and finishing the glass off in one go. "Are you gonna get off my case?" I shot back, just as she stood and took my glass to refill it.
Her laugh quietly echoed around the room before calling out a stern "Not at all"
"Well ditto!" I admitted back to her previous question.
The thought alone of telling Matthew how I felt left me short of breath, my chest feeling like I'm on the verge of a heart attack.
"Taylor...." She groaned aloud, rolling her eyes as she passed the full glass back and sat back down in her spot.
"What's the point?" I shrugged. "I mean, look at him.... Then look at me" I muttered, quietening my voice as I voiced the last part.
"Don't do that-"
"What? Be realistic?" I shot back. "Look at the girls he's always been linked with, models, Jess" I laughed. Suddenly made to feel stupid again for allowing myself to get carried away with my emotions for this man.
"He still slept with you though, what does that tell you?" she said, trying to pick up my confidence from the floor and pass it back to me.
"That he was drunk, obliterated in fact. We both were"
"Okay, well what about when he almost kissed you in the bedroom the other day?" She fired back, desperate to keep some hope inside me, but it was pointless at this point.
"Again, he was drunk, Jess!"
"You're really starting to annoy me, why suddenly put yourself down?" She hit back. "You're a catch..."
"Totally, with stretch marks" I rolled my eyes, my self esteem at an all time low.
"A hoot" she winked.
"With saggy breasts" I voiced out loud.
"Oh my god, shut up!" she laughed, before throwing an arm around me and pulling me into her. "Listen, you have something with that boy no one else does, a connection he has with no other. So what your body's taken a bit of a battering, going through that it's no surprise, but you've given him something no one else has. Which means you'll always share something... Your little boy. So everyone else is at a disadvantage"
"Disadvantage?" I echoed, cocking my head to the side to show I didn't understand.
"Have their vaginas stretched ten centimetres so-"
"Okay!" I instantly cut her off laughing. "Thanks for the reassurance" I snorted
"Look," she sighed, "forget about that vagina comment, but realise, if Matty didn't feel something for you, would he have turned up here, gone midnight, just to see you, to check you were okay? I think not" Jessie drained her glass and placed it down on the coffee table in front of us.
"That doesn't prove he has feelings, he's just a kind human being" I shrugged.
"Yeah, who almost kissed you and then got on your bed to cuddle you"
Was she right? Is that exactly what it meant?
"It's all well and good that you've managed to interrogate the ugly truth out of me, but what am I meant to do about it all now exactly?"
"Oh, I don't know Tay, maybe keep it bottled up for a bit longer so it starts to eat away at you. It's not like you're seeing him later" she bit, sarcasm embedded in her words. "Tell him, loser. Tonights your opportunity!"
Closing my eyes, realisation hit that this is exactly what I needed to do, to keep my own sanity. Once it was out, it was out, I'd have to deal with the consequences after.
"I'm really going to do this" I muttered in disbelief. My chest fluttering with a mixture of anticipation and excitement.
My now empty glass was snatched from my hand once again "Dutch courage, girl" she called out, before muttering a "my best friend is gonna be dating my favourite front man, holy fuck!"
Causing me to laugh quietly to myself. Strangely feeling more confident now.
