Back to You (Sequel to Take Me Away From Here)

Chapter 2

Tim POV: 

Dr Schull somehow coaxes her back into the room, causing the atmosphere to be even more tense than it was before. She refuses to look at me, giving me the opportunity to study her for a moment without consequence. The bags under her eyes are dark, and her eyes reveal exhaustion. Her lips form a loose frown, while her hair is down and in bright blonde waves. She looks stunning, but tired. It kinda kills me, knowing that I'm the root cause for her fatigue.

"Faith, can you do me a favor and explain how this makes you feel. How does it feel when you see him continue to use, despite your effort?" He asks, clicking his pen a couple times. God, I hate that... He's always clicking his damn pen when he's in the middle of deep thought. 

"I feel... frustrated. I think probably upset... I think that's kind of the main emotion. It's just... I constantly wonder what will be enough to make him stop. I've made threats, I've sent him to therapy, I've watched him nearly kill himself with this stuff, and nothing made him stop using." She lets out, making me cringe as I watch the words leave her lips. I miss watching her talk... 

"What's your worst fear when it comes to his addiction?" He questions, catching my attention. I think it's kind of obvious... Nearly killing her was the straw that landed me here, so I'd think killing her would be her worst fear. 

"Him killing himself." She answers to my surprise. If she hates me so much, then why is that her worst fear? "He attempted to before... and the drugs have given him a death sentence before too, but I just don't think that scares him anymore. I know initially it did, but... I don't know... He's different." She speaks like I'm not here, blowing me away a little. 

"Can I say something?" I ask quietly, seeing her cringe ever so slightly. Dr Schull nods, cautiously permitting it. "I hit a low point. I kind of lost touch, and... I lost direction. When Sara and I started having problems, and when you cut me out, I just became blinded, I guess. I tried to numb myself, because I really didn't know what was ahead of me, but I wasn't trying to kill myself. I wouldn't... not after..." I stop myself, before biting my lip, debating whether or not I should even acknowledge what she and I have been trying to ignore for years now. "I think it'd be wrong of me to try and kill myself... after the transplant. It wouldn't be fair to Michael." I release, watching her shut her eyes tightly. She pinches her chin down to her chest, a wave of pain washing over her. 

"Can you explain the dynamic with Michael?" Schull asks. He's never heard anything outside of the fact that I've had a heart transplant. He doesn't know it was my ex wife's husband's heart. 

"Michael was Faith's new husband... They got married in what, 2005? He was a lawyer, and candidate for senator, before he passed in a car accident. Due to time constraints, I was the only applicant in the nearby area who needed a transplant, so they gave his heart to me, when I really shouldn't have gotten a heart at all. I was a suicide patient with a drug problem, so I was pretty low on the list." I explain, looking her way the entire time. I can see the pain hitting her wave by wave. "He was perfect for her... Just all around perfect guy... and I know she's not really into perfection, but he was good for her. Hell of a lot better than I was." I admit, watching her hug herself. 

"Tim, can you tell me what you saw in Faith when you originally met her?" He asks out of the blue. I narrow my eyes, trying to see what he's getting at with the question. After my suspicion begins to subside, I let myself think on it. 

"She was kind, and sophisticated... I was probably 5'3, with a thick layer of bruises on me the first time she laid eyes on me, and she didn't run. She was just... nice... She was endearing, and funny, and smart, and for some reason she wanted to talk to me." I let out, before trying to answer the question fully. "I guess there's no right way to say this, but my romantic feelings toward her didn't start until after I heard about the abuse... Her father molested her growing up, and I had heard about it from a friend. I guess before I'd heard that, I thought she was nice, but I thought she was naive... After hearing that, I guess I respected her in a whole new way. She had overcome some pretty fierce obstacles and still somehow was able to smile through it. So, that's when I started to fall for her." I admit, seeing her head turn toward me. "She was still naive, probably until the episode in '03." I add, feeling ashamed that I'm the one who took that from her. 

"That was the first time you hit her, correct?" Schull asks. I nod, watching her glance down at her lap. "Faith, can you do the same for me?" He requests, causing her to flinch. She sits quietly for a moment, before clearing her throat. 

"At first, it was because he'd talk to me. I really didn't have any friends, so I'd always try to talk to the new kids, on the rare occasion that we got one. Then it was because he was smart... I don't really think I fell for him until we were eighteen. I guess he just kind of changed, and bloomed, essentially. He was funny and quick to come back, and had a smile that could bring down skyscrapers... He just... He just had a hold on me the moment I ran into him again. I remember saying to myself not to lose him, because there was never going to be another man like that out there. He was perfect... in an unconventional way. We'd still fight, and he'd still make mistakes, but I don't think there could've been someone so custom fit for me." She explains, causing a small smile to force it way out of my lips. 

"When did these feelings change?" He replies, making my smile fall once more. 

"When we lost our son..." She answers without much hesitation. I can see the memory wearing away at her. "We were closer for a while after it, and then after Charleston he just... he became a completely different man." She lets out, sounding like she's about to get emotional. 

"That's to be expected. People mourn differently, and that can often form rifts in relationships, especially with the loss of a child." Schull explains, before looking over at me. "Tim, do you wish to tell her what we discussed last session?" He says, leaving me cornered. "Go on..." He ushers. 

"Faith, I'd really like it if... if we could somehow be friends after all of this." I release exactly as he instructed me to. He watches her as closely as I do, awaiting an answer. 

"If you stay clean..." She starts, before sighing. "... maybe." She replies, locking eyes with me.