Back to You (Sequel to Take Me Away From Here)

Chapter 19

Tim POV: 

The decision to go back on tour was one I'd made while with Sara, and one that Faith hasn't really been thrilled with. It's been two months since Faith and I started this thing again, and it's honestly seeming to work. She's her old self for the time being, and I couldn't be happier. Now, sitting backstage, I can see her anxious side coming through in a way that wasn't really there in the years prior. 

She sits on the couch, nervously tapping her fingers on her knee while my team swarms me, further pressing all the things I need to accomplish tonight. I have a string of interviews after the show, which I wish I could get over with now. I hate doing interviews after I'm amped up from a show. I glance over at Faith from time to time, noticing her eyes drifting in deep thought. I wish she'd come on stage, but she's told me repeatedly that that's just not her thing anymore. The room gradually clears, as they finish lecturing me for the night, leaving just her and I. 

"What's on your mind?" I let out, watching her eyes land on me. She shrugs, appearing kind of lonesome. I look over at my guitar sitting in its case on the far side of the room. I decide to do what I know will cheer her up. "I wrote a song last night." I say, seeing her light up a little. "Wanna hear it?" I offer, seeing her nod slightly. I walk over to the guitar case, pulling it out and sitting down beside her. I strum a few chords, before remembering the basic melody. I don't really remember the lyrics, but I'm sure I can fill them in. 

"If I could kill a word and watch it die, I'd poison never, shoot goodbye, beat regret when I felt I had the nerve. Yeah, I'd pound fear to a pile of sand, choke lonely out with my bare hands, I'd hang hate so that it can't be heard... If I could only kill a word... I'd take brokenness out back and break heartbreak, stand there and laugh, right in its face while shootin' it the bird. I'd put upset down in its place. I'd squeeze the life out of disgrace, Lay over under six cold feet of dirt... If I could only kill a word... 

Give me sticks, give stones, bend my body, break my bones... use staff and rod to turn me black and blue... 'Cause you can't unhear, you can't unsay, but if were up to me to change, I'd turn lies and hate to love and truth... If I could only kill a word..." I sing, watching her eyes closely. I stop there, having no clue what I wrote down despite my best attempt at remembering it. I set down my guitar, watching her process the words. 

"What word would you kill?" She asks quietly. The question leaves me stumped, despite having written the song. I lean back, letting my mind run a bit. 

"Helpless." I admit after thinking about it. She rests her head against my shoulder, her eyes shifting as she thinks it through. 

"Why helpless?" She questions, her voice rasping a little. I shrug, before letting myself consider the possibilities. 

"I guess that'd just the thing I hate to feel, and what I've been far too many times... whether it be losing you, or the drug use, or a variety of things." I answer, feeling like it's a bit tossed together. I glance down at her, watching her rest her hand on my chest. Her mind still seems to be racing. "What's going on in your head, Baby?" I let out quietly. She stares, before sighing. 

"I keep having nightmares." She confesses, which I kind of already knew. She's been tossing and turning most nights, when she used to sleep almost completely motionless. "They're really scaring me, Tim... They're all about the same thing, just different versions..." She adds, coming off a little odd to me. 

"What do you mean?" I ask, seeing her bite her lip. She looks down at my lap, while I hold her tightly. 

"I keep dreaming that you lose me..." She says, making my chest ache. The idea terrifies me, and always has. "Every single dream has you losing me in the same general way, just slightly different circumstances." She continues, while I try not to let the thought bring me anxiety.