Back to You (Sequel to Take Me Away From Here)

Chapter 27

Faith POV: 

Tim and I both sit in his bed while I start my second bottle and he pours another glass. He struggles to get the cap off, making him laugh so hard his crows feet appear. He grabs his glass and takes a sip, before sitting up straighter. Our conversation has been bouncing around so much, we don't have time to turn it into an argument. We've been avoiding the touchier areas. I don't think any amount of liquor could make that an easy conversation. 

"When was the last time you saw Horace?" I ask, hearing him laugh. He looks up at the ceiling as he tries to recall. 

"Right before we had Gracie." He answers, shocking me a bit. I guess I figured with the divorce and rehab that he'd attempt to mend old wounds. Maybe not. "I didn't want that kind of influence in my life anymore. I mean, you knew how terrified I was of him. I had to grow up and be tough for the kids. I didn't have time to cower away from Horace anymore." He adds, seeming to have a really good hold on the issue. He's right. 

"Have you ever thought about trying to reach out?" I question, watching him shake his head. He looks at me and sighs, before staring into his glass. 

"I hate that son of a bitch so much that I don't think I could ever bring myself to look him in the eye ever again." He says, taking me aback. I knew he hated him, but I didn't know how much. He's never been really open with me about his relationship to his step-father. 

"Why?" I ask, before laughing at myself. "I mean, is it because of the abuse or something else?" I clarify, seeing him wince. He leans back into the pillows for a moment, the whiskey making his eyelids heavy. 

"I don't want to answer that." He says, making my eyes widen. He sighs, knowing that he has to answer. "He's just evil. I've seen him do things that I just can't forget. I think the longer I live, the more I kind of see what a monster he was. The longer I'm with you, I feel more like I should've--" He starts, before abruptly stopping. He stares at me, while I wait for him to finish. 

"What do I have to do with it?" I remark, trying to pry it out of him. He takes a large gulp of whiskey, before shutting his eyes tightly. "Come on, we agreed to no holding back." I remind him with a smile, as he grows increasingly more uncomfortable. "Tim." I call with a slight laugh, sick of waiting.  

"He raped you." He spits out, before seeming to hear his own words. He gasps at the sound, reacting like he's been slapped. I just stare at him, waiting to hear him say that he meant that Horace raped somebody else. I would've known about it if it were me... I would've known if someone raped me, and if Horace did it, Tim would've told me. He's not great at keeping secrets. Tim tips back his glass, finishing what's left, as I start to laugh. This is some kind of joke, surely. Tim watches me, before shutting his eyes. 

"You know, if you don't want to talk to him, you don't have to make shit up." I remark, watching him wince. He sighs as I start to take another swig from my bottle of wine. 

"We were fifteen... You came over before I was home, and he forced himself on you. When I came in, he began pummeling you until you were beyond unconscious. When you came to, you had no clue what happened." He explains, straight faced and almost pained by the words. I watch his eyes grow moist while I sit, unsure how to react. I just watch him, waiting for a sign that he's joking. I'm not finding one... 

"You would've told me though... You wouldn't have kept something like that away from me." I try to rationalize aloud. He shakes his head, before looking at the bottle of whiskey on the nightstand. He grabs it, and begins to drink straight from the bottle. 

"You didn't know what happened, and I didn't know how to explain it to you." He justifies, as I feel my heart rate start to climb. I shut my eyes for a moment, starting to introduce the idea that this could be real. 

"But you still would've told me..." I repeat, watching him shake his head. 

"Faith, I was fifteen and terrified. I didn't even know where to start, and then you began telling me that you tripped on the walkway and you must've hit your head that way." Tim replies quickly, his guilt showing, as I feel my heart sink. 

I remember that... I remember thinking I tripped on the walkway and fell down the stairs... Tim was so pale and clammy that I kept asking what was wrong, and he told me he had a stomach bug... 

"Oh my god..." I release, covering my mouth. Tim's eyes fill with tears as he watches the news hit me. "Why didn't you tell me?" I hear myself start to howl. He sits and takes a few deep breaths. 

"I was scared, Faith." He asserts, appearing shaken. "I walked in and saw him pinning you down, and I had no clue what to do. I threatened to call the cops, and he told me he'd shoot you. I tried to intervene physically, and he just took a swing and damn near knocked me out. I was helpless, and absolutely horrified... I tried to calm you down, but you wouldn't let anyone touch you. You pushed me away when I tried to protect you, and so he got to you and beat the absolute crap out of you. I couldn't do a damn thing, and it was terrifying... So when you woke up, saying that you got hurt from something as innocent as a fall, I let you believe it. Because what I saw was appalling." He rambles, physically trembling. I hug myself for a moment, trying to calm down my mind. I've gone on just fine since then, while I didn't know. Physically, I'm fine, and Mentally, I don't remember the event. I think on the scope of sexual assault, that might be the best possible outcome, although it's still jarring. 

"Who else knows?" I ask, trying to stay calm. I wipe my few stray tears, while he rocks back and forth slowly, seeming damn near hysterical. 

"Horace and I." He says, making me feel a wave of relief. I nod slowly, placing a hand over my chest. This doesn't have to change me... Yes, it happened, but I've survived thirty years just fine after it. Now, that doesn't change the fact that I'd still like the full story. 

"You didn't even tell your shrink?" I question, trying to make sure that's it. Tim shakes his head, before taking a large drink. 

"Sara knows too." He adds, making me feel a little unsettled. His ex-wife knew I was raped before I did... I nod, trying not to let the thought sink in. Tim still remains tense, like he's holding back. "Your dad." He says, making me narrow my eyes. 

"What about him?" I ask, making him wince. 

"He knows." He clarifies, causing my stomach to sink. I feel nausea hit me like a freight train, while my pounding head tries to figure out how exactly this is true. "I don't know if Horace told him, but he figured out." Tim explains, while I put my head in my hands. That's why he's been so hell-bent against Tim...  That's also occurred right before he began abusing me again... 

He wasn't abusing me because he saw Tim and I kiss... It was because I had been raped by a man the same age as my father... All of this, combined with the fact that I was no longer "pure" for marriage, explains why the abuse kicked back up. I had to no clue that he saw a scarlet letter on my back... 

I hear myself start to wail, to my own surprise, as this realization sets in. The fact that I'm not extremely torn up about being raped, but rather the chain reaction that followed the rape, is surprising to me. My hands tremble as Tim wraps his arms tightly around me, letting me howl into his chest. 

"I'm so sorry... I wish I could fix it." He releases softly, while I completely fall apart. I cling tightly to him, although I'm upset that he never told me. I understand that he may have been scared at the time, but what about the three decades that followed? What about when my father started plotting to kill him? What about when I told him about the molestation? He might've thought ignorance is bliss, but this information could've saved me pain. I could've understood where my father was coming from, and I could've addressed it. None of this is Tim's fault, although I can tell the guilt has been unbearable for him. The blame only rests on Horace, and any aggression should be pointed in his direction, not Tim's. That simple statement could've resolved years of fighting this battle with my father...