The Multitudes Within Me (Sequel to The Sound of Ice)

16

I'm stuck in the snow. The sky is blank and a dark, slate grey - I can taste it in my mouth, like charcoal, heavy and dusty on my tongue. I try to move but my boots are stuck to the ground, try to call out but the wind swallows my voice. There's a sense of nostalgia, like I've been here before, even though there's nothing around me, and I am standing in the middle of nowhere. It is eerie, almost apocalyptic, and unsettling.

The loneliness is what's most striking; I feel it deep within my bones, like a chill you can't shake. I look around, try to find my voice again. "Cameron?"

Headlines suddenly flash in my face, and I squint, temporarily blinded. There is no sound; just red seeping into the snow beneath my feet.

I wake up with a jolted gasp, sweaty and hot.

"Just a dream," murmurs Pierce from his bed. He is half-asleep, his glasses crooked on his face, his eyes drooping. "Just a dream, dude. You okay?"

"I'm okay," I say, and place a hand on my chest, feeling it pound underneath my fingertips. It's 2:00 am in the morning on Saturday - Eliza's birthday - and my alarm is set to go off in six hours. I walk down to the bathroom to splash water on my face, shaking out my legs, then head back to the dorm and pull open my laptop. I click play on an old black and white movie, something that Cameron and I watched together, and pray it lulls me to sleep.

Even then, I can't shake the aching, desperate feeling from my bones.

~

Saturday mornings are never too busy in the library. I sit near the back window, pale winter light filtering the glass, the air thick with the scent of coffee and whiteboard erasers. I pour over my textbooks, midterms looming like a dead weight on my shoulders. I try to breathe, but chemicals equations block my throat. I can already see Dr. Howard handing my exam back - F - can already see the look on Tom's face, on Cameron's, when they realized I flunked out of my most important class.

My cell phone buzzes, Marly's name popping up on the screen. I spin my highlighter through my fingers and answer. "Hello?"

"Hey, Sam. Just reminding you that Eliza's birthday party is tonight, at that bowling alley. Do you need me to text you the address?"

"That'd be great."

"Awesome. And I'm sorry if I woke you, I just figured you were already up."

"Yeah, I'm awake. No worries. Hey, I meant to ask you -" I clear my throat and chew on the cap of my highlighter. "I still haven't gotten a gift for Eliza. I don't know what she'd like."

"Oh, she likes everything! Just get her something small, she'll go crazy for anything."

I can't get Eliza a bad gift - she was my first friend here, maybe the only reason that I haven't gone absolutely insane. The words are on the tip of my tongue - Will you help me? But Marly answers it before I can ask.

"If you want, we can go shopping together this afternoon," says Marly. "There's a boutique right across the street from the cafe that Eliza loves. It's pretty cheap."

"Only if you're not busy."

"I'm not busy at all!"

~

After a few more hours of studying, I meet Marly by the boutique. The wind is sharp and brisk, and she stands with her hands deep within her coat pockets, her long hair braided over her shoulder. The street is busy with traffic and pedestrians, and aromas from the nearby bakery are wafting through the air. I breathe deeply - it smells like snow and freshly baked bread.

She smiles warmly when she sees me, her cheeks flushed from the cold. "How was studying?"

"It was alright."

We step inside the store, immediately flooded with warmth. It's small and cozy, with racks of clothes and tables of jewelry sprawled across the floor. An acoustic song is playing lightly in the background, and the thick scent of perfume hangs in the air. I stand awkwardly by the door, my hands in my pockets, unsure of what to do.

Marly turns and comfortably runs her fingers over a rack of sequined blouses. "Just alright?"

"Yeah, I didn't sleep well last night."

She looks over her shoulder and smiles. "Me neither."

For some reason, I am deeply relieved at this. "Really?"

"Yeah. My mom called last night. That always makes me stressed."

"Oh. Why?"

Marly shrugs and turns to a table of jewelry. She picks up a gold charm bracelet and slides it on her wrist, inspecting it delicately. "She wants me to find a husband." She says it casually, like she's commenting on the price.

"A husband? Already?"

"Yeah. Another Indian boy, of course. My mother is very traditional."

I shift on my feet. "Wow."

Marly shrugs again and pulls off the bracelet. "It's alright. I think she's always known I'm not going to follow in her footsteps." In the same beat, she holds up a pair of earrings and beams. "Hey, look at these!"

I tilt my head. The earrings are golden and dangly, with little purple stones. "Purple," I say dumbly. "Eliza would like that."

"I think she'd love them. And they're only twelve dollars. Not so bad."

So I buy the earrings, and the woman at the register wraps them gently for me in lavender tissue paper.

We step outside, the little bell above the door chiming, and Marly buries her chin in her wool scarf. She squints towards the cafe. "Feel like grabbing a bite to eat?"

"Sure."

The diner is busy, but we don't mind the wait. There's a holiday feel in the air, Thanksgiving only a week and a half away, and there's that frantic, joyous atmosphere that only the winter holidays can bring. We both order the turkey sandwich and fries.

"So," I say, toying with the menu, wanting to stretch out our conversation, wanting to learn more about Marly. "Your family is pretty traditional?"

"Hmm." Marly glances towards the ceiling and taps her nails on the table. "I guess so. My mom, mainly. My dad doesn't care as much. They both grew up in India, and now they live in New Jersey."

"That's not too far away."

"No, it's not bad." Marly smiles fondly. "They're great, really. And I have a little sister too, Melina. I'm excited to see them over the break. But enough with the harping on my love life, you know?"

"Yeah, that makes sense."

"What about your family? I know you're Canadian. What are they like?"

I twist my napkin. "Oh," I say slowly, with a tone of, you know. "Nothing special. Just an average family."

"Come on, I'm sure they're special. Mom? Dad? Siblings? Pets? I love dogs, you know. Melina is allergic, or else I'd have five."

I glance up at her. I don't want to lie. It's not that I actively want to hide my life from anyone. It's just that it's a lot to get into, and I don't think I can do it - Pierce only knows about Tom because of the nightmares.

"Yeah. Mom, dad. Two sisters. One older, one younger."

Marly smiles. "I'm sure you're excited to see them for the holidays?"

The waiter saves me, sliding our turkey sandwiches onto the table, and I dig in hungrily. The topic changes quickly, and soon it's forgotten.

But I can't help but imagine what it'd be like to get home from school - to shout the words, "Mom? Dad? I'm home!" - to look at someone and see my face in theirs. 

A/N i have the nest few chapters written and i really just want to publish them all at once! but i gotta spread em out at least a little or else there'll be a really long drought w no updates lol