The Multitudes Within Me (Sequel to The Sound of Ice)

19

"I was right, Sam."

I look at Willem, his icy blue eyes flashing in the grey afternoon light. He looks even scrawnier than normal in the hospital bed, the gown washing him out, and tubes are in his arms. His mystery novel sits on his lap, the orange cover bold against the pale blues and whites of the bedding.

It takes me a second to reply. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. It was the detective's husband that did it."

"No. How'd he do it?"

"Poison in the cereal."

"In the cereal?"

Willem smiles.

It's two days before my chemistry exam, and even though I should be spending every second studying, I can't help but visit the hospital one last time before break. There are Thanksgiving decorations up in the hallways - little kid drawings of turkeys, plastic cornucopias and paper pumpkins - and everyone is in a festive mood.

"Hey, Willem," I say. "You know I'm on holiday break soon, right?"

"Yes." He says it very matter-of-fact, his chin pointed up. "You have your exams and then you have winter break, and I won't see you until after Christmas."

"That's right. And I'm going to miss you a lot, you know that?"

Before Willem can answer, Max runs into the room, swallowed in a blue sweater, and climbs up on my lap. He grins toothlessly, out of breath, his hair messy and his eyes bright. "You're going to miss Willem?"

"Yeah, because I'm leaving on holiday break. Remember?"

"Oh, yes! Yes!" Max clasps his hands together, clearly excited. "Because it's Thanksgiving next week! And then December! Willem, we need to send our letters to Santa!"

"Exactly. But you guys know - Max, are you listening? - you guys know you can write or talk to me anytime. I gave your mom my contact information, remember when I did that?"

Max bounces up and down on my lap. "I remember! Oh Sam, I'm going to miss you!" He hugs me and sloppily kisses my cheek.

I hug him back and smile at Willem over his shoulder. Willem is so ghostly pale compared to Max's flushed, boyish face, but they're undeniably brothers. Willem smiles back.

"You two are so very brave. Maybe the bravest people I know."

Willem shakes his head. "Adults tell me that."

"Well, they're right."

"I don't feel that brave."

"You're much braver than me." And I walk over and hug Willem too, his bony arms around my neck.

He whispers in my ear, "Do you know any more mystery books I can read?"

"So many more," I whisper. "I made a whole list, just for you. And when I see you again, you can tell me how you like them."

~

Pierce and I study in the dorms. The building is unusually quiet - everyone is studying, for once - and Pierce bought us both coffee. Outside, snow is dusting from the night sky, flashing under the yellow beams of street lights.

How many faradays are required to reduce 1.00 g of aluminum(III) to the aluminum metal? Molten AlCl3 is electrolyzed for 5.0 hours with a current of 0.40 amperes. Metallic aluminum is produced at one electrode and chlorine gas, Cl2, is produced at the other. How many liters of Cl2 measured at STP are produced when the electrode efficiency is only 65%? What mass (in grams) of nickel could be electroplated from a solution of nickel(II) chloride by a current of 0.25 amperes flowing for 10 hours?

I must've groaned out loud, because Pierce glances up.

"Giving up so soon?" he asks, half-joking. On his own bed, papers and books are fanned out, and a blue pen is tucked behind his ear.

"I'm gonna study until I pass out."

"Hmm. Good plan. Laura just texted me, she's heading to bed. Can you believe that? It's barely past midnight."

I chew on the tip of my pen and force a smile. "Must be nice, to be smart."

Pierce rolls his eyes. "You're smart too. If you're at this school, you're smart."

I glance back down at my textbook, words beginning to mesh together. Dread sits in my stomach. "I don't know. I really think I'm going to fail. And I'm not just saying that, I mean it. God, I'm so lost. I'm so lost."

Pierce shrugs casually. "You'll be fine," he says confidently.

My phone rings loudly before I can reply - Cameron's name pops up on my screen, his face, kind green eyes and his crooked smile, and my sense of dread thickens.

Pierce takes off his glasses and cleans them on his shirt, squinting at my phone. "Isn't that your boyfriend? Aren't you going to answer?"

"Nope," I say. I let it ring.

A minute or so after the ringing stops, I get another notification - he left a voicemail. I turn back to my textbook, gnawing on my pen, forcing myself to finish a problem, then another - eventually I give up and push my books to the side.

"I'll be right back," I say, pulling on boots and a toque. I slip my coat on over my pajamas - no one cares, it's exam week - and head outside with my phone.

The cold is bitter, but I don't mind. I inhale the fresh air and pace outside the dormitory building - ice crunches under my boots. I press play.

"Hey, Sam."

His voice is like a sharp punch - I bite down on the inside of my cheek as my eyes start to water.

"This is Cameron. I just wanted to say hi. You're probably studying right now... I know it's exam week for you. I mean, I hope you're sleeping, but you're probably studying. I know it's really stressful. You have nothing to worry about, though. You're going to do so great."

He pauses.

"Anyway, I really miss you. A lot. And I hope you're feeling better, by the way. That sucks. Bad timing. The cold is going around, for sure. Hailey has a bit of a cold right now, won't stop complaining about it..." I hear the smile in his voice, the way someone sounds when they try and make a joke when they're sad. Is he sad? "We can't wait to see you. I can't wait to see you. Only a few days away now, not that long. We'll decorate the house for Christmas again, except I won't be on crutches this time. Oh! And there was a meteor shower here last week. I went up to the roof of my apartment just to watch it. Well, it was freezing, so I just watched it for a minute. It was cool. I like looking up at the stars. It makes me think of you."

He pauses again, and I hear my own breathing, choppy and uneven.

"That's all. Just wanted to - yeah, just wanted to say hi. I love you, and I'm proud of you, and I'll see you really soon. Okay. Bye."

The voicemail ends, and I press my palm to my mouth and squeeze my eyes shut. I feel like screaming, or breaking down into sobs, but I don't do either of those things. Just stand in the cold for a little bit, turning his words over and over again in my mind - I love you, and I'm proud of you.

I feel angry, suddenly. He's so fucking dumb. He's a much better person than I am - there is only a matter of time before he realizes that. One day he'll wake up and realize how horrible I am - a liar, a traitor, a failure, a boy who kisses other people and abandons dying family and fails out of fucking classes they were supposed to ace. And it is then I will finally be alone, but not surprised.

A/N one more chapter in part 1!