XLI

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Beyoncé

I walked into the foyer with Blue behind me and set my purse on the little table by the door. Jay said he'd be outside getting our bags from the car, but aside from that we hadn't spoken much since our argument earlier. We were both upset with each other and too stubborn to apologize. And with everything going on right now, I had to focus my attention on what was more important.

"Mommy, I'm gonna go lay down." Blue said while leaning against me. "I'm so jet lagged right now." She pouted.

I looked down at her and smiled. "Okay baby. I'll be somewhere down here if you need me." I said before kissing her forehead and rubbing her back. "Sleep well."

"Oh I will." Blue sighed before heading for the stairs. I watched her until she reached the top and I couldn't see her anymore.

I sighed and took a moment to look around at everything. Jay and I decided to rent a house in a gated neighborhood in the Hollywood Hills while our home was being investigated. I didn't feel comfortable with my children staying in a house that was broken into not even a week ago anyways, so I was all for the idea. I don't think I could handle walking by family portraits or Bella and Sienna's rooms either– so staying somewhere else definitely seems like the best decision for right now.

My mother has been wonderful and hasn't let Brooklyn out of her sight since I've been gone. She's just as paranoid and protective as I am, which I appreciate more than she knows. I feel like she's truly the only thing I have left of Sienna, and I can't fathom the thought of something possibly happening to her. It would break me in ways I can't explain. I've experienced too much tragedy in the past few months alone, I think I deserve a break.

I looked down at my growing stomach and sighed before rubbing it gently. I honestly had no idea how I've made it this far into my pregnancy, especially with the amount of stress I've endured, but I won't question God's blessings. If I'm meant to have this baby, then I'll have this baby.

"When is your mama bringing Brooklyn and Jeremiah over?" I heard Jay ask from behind me. I turned around and watched him place our suitcases by the wall before closing the door. He stood up straight and looked at me expectantly.

"Within the next hour." I answered. He nodded his head. "She said Jeremiah went out to dinner with Livia, so he won't be back until later. I went ahead and sent him the address and the gate code though, so he'll be able to get in without any problems."

"Aight." Jay nodded. I could tell he was feeling some type of way about seeing Jeremiah for the first time in weeks, especially since the last time they were together things went bad, but I decided to keep my mouth shut and not say anything about it. If he wanted to come to me and talk about how he was feeling, he would. I wasn't about to beg him to open up.

"I'm gonna go check on Blue." I said after we stood in silence for almost two minutes. The awkwardness and tension was too much for me to deal with. "If my mama shows up while I'm upstairs, just yell for me. I need to speak with her before she leaves."

I turned around to walk off but Jay stopped me. I felt his hand on my waist and sighed, wishing I didn't miss him as much as I did. We were at a weird place in our relationship right now and we just couldn't get along for shit. It could have something to do with the ridiculous amount of tragedy that's taken over our lives recently; or it could be something completely different. I wasn't sure, and there really wasn't a way of knowing.

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