Water Under the Bridge (Snowbarry fanfiction)

You're not the one for me

3 months after the particle accelerator explosion.

Caitlin's Pov
I walk into S.T.A.R labs getting ready to do my daily routine here. First is to check on Barry I guess.

He's been in a coma ever since the explosion and it's been terrifying. I'm not scared that he'll die. I'm scared he will wake up here.

I go over to check his vitals and see if any of his condition had changed.

It hasn't gotten better which is good. Well, it's not good but it's good for my emotional stability today.

I sit in the cortex and just try to not think about him. I put my elbow on the desk and start to chew my nails. Apparently trying to get someone out of your head just makes it worse.

My staring into space gets interrupted by Cisco walking in.

"Paging Doctor Snow." He says waving his hand in front of me.

"Hi, Cisco."

"You are really out of it today."

"I'm fine."

"It seems like ever since the particle accelerator you've been on edge."

"I'm not on edge. I am perfectly fine."

"Wait, wait, you're only on edge here. It's Barry! You look like you're about to cry of anxiety every day because of him!"

"Barry isn't the reason I'm on edge!"

"So you admit that you're on edge now. There's no turning back, Cait."

"I may have known Barry before the particle accelerator."

"How did you know him?"

"We went to the same college. It wasn't anything too serious." I say looking at the floor.

"What do you mean 'too serious'? Oh my god you dated him!"

"I just knew him."

"How well then?"

"Okay, I knew him. I knew him very very well. Okay, yes. We dated. Happy?"

"How long were you dating for if it wasn't serious?"

"We started to date when we were both 18."

"So it's been like seven years, Cait. If it wasn't serious then you didn't date long."

"We dated for some time."

"Like a few months?"

"A little more."

"A year?"

"We broke up when I was 22."

"You dated him for four years!"

"Well, yeah."

"Why did you break up?"

"Barry was a stupid jerk."

"It looks like you have some buried anger about that."

"I'm still a little salty, let's say."

"What did he do to you?"

"He left me when- he just left me."

"You're mad that he broke up with you?"

"I'm mad about what happened. We were going to have a life together. A good one too. Until he ruined it and now I'm just-. I'm not the same anymore."

"He really did some damage didn't he."

"He broke me."

"If he hurt you this badly then why are you helping him?"

"You know me, Cisco. I really don't want to help him but it's just who I am. I will always take care of people no matter how much they hurt me."

"It's been like three years since you broke up. Are you still pining over him or something?"

"I'm definitely not pining over him. I'm just still mad. I don't have a reason too either. It was partially my fault but it would have been way easier if Barry didn't just-"

"What did you do Caitlin?"

"It's none of your business."

"Okay, I will respect you for that. You say you've moved on but it doesn't look like it really."

"It's not Barry I'm not over! Barry is the person that ruined it!" I stand up quickly and start to pace the room.

"Well, whatever you need to move on from, I'm pretty sure to move on, you actually have to move on."

"I'll never get over it."

"Why won't you tell me?"

"It's something I try to not think about. Telling other people won't help me."

"Sometimes talking about it can help."

"I can't." I say starting to break down.

"Come here." He gets up and and puts his arm around me. I continue to sob and I put my head on his shoulder.

"It's okay." He says gently with his arms around me.

"Okay." I say definitely not actually believing him.

My life will never be okay again. I've accepted that I did it to myself but sometimes it's easier to blame someone else.

I wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't have done it if Barry had stayed.
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Authors note: Every single time I write a book, the first chapters are short but then get longer.

Teaser: "If you knew Cisco, you would understand. My life was a living hell when he left me. How can I forgive him for that?"
-Caitlin

What do you think Caitlin did?

Anyways,

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