Water Under the Bridge (Snowbarry fanfiction)

Regrets and Mistakes

Caitlin's Pov
I silently sob against the door for what seems like hours. All I want to feel is okay again. Is that too much to ask for?

Eventually, it feels like it's impossible to keep crying. It's like I've cried all the tears that could be cried. I wipe the salty tears off my face and look at the ceiling. I need to go and get up but it feels like I'm carrying a hundred pounds on my shoulders. There's nothing in me. I can't get the pain out. It's like a monster is just eating me from the inside out and I can't do anything about it.

I finally get myself off the floor and almost gasp for air because it feels like an impossible task to be standing.

I need to stop Barry but I can't at this point. I at least have to try. I dump the bowl of soggy special K out and start to change into some decent clothing. I shouldn't be going out in my pajamas probably. It takes everything in me to get ready. A combination of too much melatonin and extreme mental pain has drained me.

I grab my phone and keys and walk out the door. I drive my car to S.T.A.R labs just going through the plan again. Is this really the best idea? Barry will just be mad at me all over again but I can't risk getting in trouble.

I walk in the door and stand in the cortex. I look at my phone trying to convince myself to do this. I have to stop Barry and I don't care what the consequences are anymore.

I tap a button on my phone which causes an alert to go off. It'll make Barry think that the lab is in trouble or there's a meta-human. I wait patiently but he's taking forever. My heart pounds as I wait for him. After a couple minutes he finally gets here.

Shock runs across his face and I immediately get hit with shame.

"What's the problem?!"

"There is none."

"Then why the hell did you send an alert?!"

"To stop you."

"I got to see her! It was one of the most special moments of my life!"

"I wasn't going to risk you getting me in trouble."

"Caitlin, don't you understand!? You've been playing Russian roulette the moment you gave her up without me knowing. Russian roulette is dangerous and it was eventually going to catch up to you and you were going to loose!"

"I was willing to play it if it meant having you gone!"

"The revolver just got to you Caitlin and that's for you to blame on yourself."

"You're right. It did get me. I got shot but you're the person who put the bullet in the revolver."

We stand in silence as both of us have no idea what to do anymore. I don't know what happened. Well, I know exactly what happened but how did it turn to this? A relationship full of argument and toxicity.

I look in his hand and he has a small stuffed dog which completely throws me off.

"What's with the stuffed dog?" I ask confused also trying to break the silence.

"She gave it to me."

"My child?"

"Her name is Rachel."

"Oh."

"She loves princesses and her favorite is Elsa. She has probably a million stuffed animals that mostly consists of dogs. Her favorite game to play is called 'The Stuffs." It makes close to no sense but it makes perfect sense to her. She can create her own world and it's beautiful. Her favorite stuffed animal is a dog named Chocolate and this stuffed animal is named Peanut. He's Chocolate's best friend."