Water Under the Bridge (Snowbarry fanfiction)

Sometimes it hurts instead

Two weeks later 2011
Caitlin's Pov
I wake up in a lonely bed. A empty apartment and empty heart. My body isn't flooded with love. It's filled with anxiety, hurt and self blame.  My self confidence is gone and I'm dead inside.

I know Barry was the one to cheat but why does it feel like my fault?

I try and get out of bed but I know what will happen if I try to.

I stare at the ceiling for quite some time. The curtains are closed which causes a dark feeling to the room. It's cold and dark in here. Darkness is my life.

I continue to lay down with my hands over my stomach looking at the ceiling.

I'm a mess, completely broken and I will be for the rest of my life. Barry made a permanent mark on my life and I'm just covered in scars.

I want Barry back so badly but I also hate him at the same time. We could have had everything. It wouldn't have had to be so lonely.

After two hours of silently crying and looking at the dark ceiling I try and convince myself to get up. I'm going to have to do it eventually.

I take a deep breath before sitting up and I immediately get hit with the feeling. This has been happening the past 11 days and it's awful.

I clench my stomach and quickly sprint to the bathroom. I grab my hair and put it behind me.  Pain sings in the back of my throat as I vomit.

I don't want this. I don't want to do this and I can't. I can't do it.

I mean, I was happy. I was ecstatic to find out and it all changed with six words.

Barry is gone and so is my life.

I tear up and lean against the wall. I hate the fact that I have to vomit every morning but I guess what did I expect. The increased amount of hormones will do this to you.

I just wish Barry was here to hold my hair back while I was throwing up.

I'm so clueless on life right now and barely know what to do.

I look in the pajama pocket from 15 days ago and pull out the 'surprise'. I just attempt to comprehend it again but nothing works.

The past two weeks have been the worst of my life. It seemed like I had everything figured out. It was going to be all okay but Barry ruined it. I have never been so clueless in my life.

I should be happy, right? I should be happy about this but it's just causing more pain.

I put my legs to my chest and let the tears fall from my eyes. At least Barry is happy.

We could have both been happy but that didn't happen. The same six words repeat in my mind but these ones are different. They hurt just as bad though.

What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do? What am I going to do?

This wouldn't be so complicated if this 'surprise' was false. It's not though and I have to deal with the fact that it's true.

I need to tell Barry. It's the right thing to do, right?

I go though the options in my head and try to debate what to do.

I should tell him. He has a right.

I take my phone out from my pocket and look at his contact on my phone. My hands shake as it starts to ring. I start to panic and even more tears flood from my eyes. It continues to ring but I start to realize something.

He's not going to pick up.

He doesn't want to talk to me. He didn't want to stay with me. He stopped loving me. If I tell him he'll stay but not for me. I want him to be with me for me and nothing else. I refuse to tell him.

The call goes to voicemail and I gently set my phone down.

I take a deep breath and try to calm down. I look at my phone again and start to call a different number. It is more difficult to call this number to be quite honest. At least this number has the decency to pick up.

Central City Hospital, my name is Shannon. How may I help you?

Hi, I um, I'm sorry.

It's fine ma'am. What do you need?

I need to schedule an appointment.

Do you have a doctor set up?

No, but I know I need a OB/GYN.

And why?

I need to schedule an ultrasound.

Are you pregnant?

Yes, six weeks.

I gulp and try to breathe after those words. I wish I could say no. I wish I could say 'no' so so badly.

Can I get a name?

Caitlin Snow.

The rest of the conversation is just a blur and nothing about it seems real. It is all a messed up reality. A reality I don't want. When the phone call ends, I drop my phone to the floor and bury my face in my hands and cry again.

I look at the 'surprise' again. The small little test. Isn't ironic that a cheap test like this can change your life forever? A pregnancy test with a plus sign is what changes it all. None of your life makes sense after.

My life doesn't make any sense now. Do you want to know why?

The cheap plastic test in my hand has a plus sign.

I try to stand up again but my morning sickness decided to last longer, so I put my head over the toilet again with my hair back.

I imagined this to be so different. I imagined when I was pregnant that I would have a wonderful husband. I would be married and I would be out of college. I would be Caitlin Snow M.D and I would be married to Barry.

I wouldn't be a 22 year old college student who is crying over a boy who left her.

I'm really starting to hate the number six. Six words are apparently bad luck.

What am I going to do?
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Authors note: So much drama...poor Caitlin though. In every fanfic I always make her so sad.

Anyways, what do you think of the the book so far?

Teaser: "It'll be okay. You're going to be a mother. You're going to have a baby."

-Caitlin's Pov

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