Divergent High

Segment 36

I spend that whole day in hospital, thinking of nothing but Tobias. I can't keep doing this back and forth with him. It's him or Leighton. Even if I chose to be with him he probably wouldn't welcome me back. I hurt him, I cheated on him. The old me sure but the new me? How could I do that? I feel nothing but ashamed as I stare at the rain drizzling down the window. No matter what happens I guess I will never change. I am who I am but only because Leighton made me realize that. Leighton brought out the true me, the rebel me. I can't keep trying to hide that. I guess I could blame Leighton but those years when I was with him and the others I had felt free. Happy. Happier than I had ever been before because I could be myself.
I feel my tears begin to slide down my cheeks in time with the raindrops drizzling down the window. My family have been taking turns to look after me and right now my father is on duty. He sits in a chair in the corner of my hospital room. My body still hurts so I don't try to talk with him. When he notices I'm crying he stands up and sits next to me on the bed. I don't feel like my father has been this nice to me in years. I have always had the idea that I am just a mistake to him. I hate myself because I think he blames himself for how I turned out.
"Where's Four?" He asks. I don't say anything as I bite down on my lip to stop the sobbing. If I break down in sobs I won't be able to stop and it will hurt my aching body.
"I'm sorry." He sighs. I turn my head so that I can face him and wince at the pain.
"Sorry?" I breathe, not able to use my voice.
"Sh. Don't speak." He hushes me and wraps an arm around me. I don't tell him it hurts because it feels so good to be hugged by my father. It doesn't happen often. "For saying Four couldn't be with you. It wasn't my place to decide that and I barely knew him."
"What made you change your mind?" I ask curiously, ignoring the pain in my jaw.
"When we were trying to save you, I went with him. He is the reason we found where you were. If Leighton hadn't shown up we would have been the ones to save you and he nearly was killed in the process. You should have seen him when you weren't in that van. He was on his knees literaly crying. Poor kid. I know how much he cares for you now and I approve of your relationship." He explains and my heart aches. If only I could really be with Tobias.
I pull my hospital gown down by the collar to reveal my tattoo of 3 blackbirds. I trace the birds until I fall asleep.

~~~FLASHBACK~~~
"Meagan my parents will kill me." I say, uncertainty clear in my voice.
"Come on it will be fine." She reassures me.
"Will it hurt?"
"Just a bit." She laughs. She must be used to the pain by now. "Leighton like tattoos anyway."
"He does?" I squeak and she bursts into laughter.
"Just wanted to see your reaction. You're hilarious Beatrice." She laughs and it the sound of her laugh is like an orchestra is playing. I blush in embarrassment.
"What are you getting?" I ask curiously.
"A feather behind my ear."
"That sounds painful." I admit and she laughs again.
"What will you get?"
"I have no idea. Well think about it. It's my turn." She gets up from the couch and sits down on the tattoo chair. As I watch the ugly man begin to do the tattoo I think if what I want. It will be there forever so I want it to symbolise something. My father would kill me for getting a tattoo. He has made me promise him so many times not to get one. He despises them. Everytime we would pass someone ont he street he would point at them and say.
"Looks kids! Look at those disgusting tattoos. Promise you will never get one." Dad nearly got a black eye once.
"You're turn." Meagan smiles and I take my place nervously on the chair.
"What do you want?" The man grunts.
"Um... A... Ah..." I still haven't chosen. My mind falls to the thing I love most in the world. My family. I look outside to see a blackbird that stares at me with its beady eyes.
"Here." I gesture to my collar bone. "I want 3 blackbirds."
I see Meagan raise an eyebrow at me but I ignore her. I know the questions to come. Why did you choose that? One bird for Caleb, one for mum and one for dad. The perfect family which I will never belong to.