Day 1,487
Welp...today is the day. It's finally come. I usually don't let my emotions get the best of me, but, sha, I'd be lying to myself if I didn't say I'm feeling a mixture of a lot of things. Nervousness..anxiousness..disappointment. The latter is a mechanism just in case this shit don't work out in my favor. Don't mind me, sha. People I've met often times call me a skeptic. I see myself as a realist. Life isn't always peaches and cream, no. Shit, life is why I'm at the point I'm at now. My life anyway. I'm sighing with anticipation right, feet and legs shaking, palms sweating, wetting up my paper as I write. I just, I just can't wait to know! Since the ball started rolling in this process the other day, I've been a bundle of nerves, sitting on pins and needles waiting to find out my fate...
"ON THE GATE!"
Every time this particular CO escorts me, I jump at his loud, authoritative voice. His tone always invokes no reprove or nonsense. Reminds me of my upbringing on RAF Bradford St.John, yeah. Commanding officers barking out orders left and right, threatening soldiers within an inch of their lives as I walked with my school aged friends from the barracks to our school on base, gave me jitters.
I swore when I was old enough to start forming opinions that I would never serve my country. From basic training to the possibility of standing on some line fighting for what Uncle Sam believed was right, was not for me. Too much pressure and responsibility placed on one's shoulders by someone who did it just because they, the government that is, was bigger and stronger and could push you around. Bunch of bullies.
I hate bullies, yeah!
Like CO Harrell. He put me in the mind of Debo from Friday, just with straighter eyes, lighter skin and a more defined, massively muscled frame. He prided himself on never taken bullshit from 'bitches who think they got more balls than me' as he often stated.
I stayed in my lane around him; I do anyway, but with him, I never try to step out of line. I know a lot of girls who'd been here longer they should have been because they tried to go toe to toe with him. Maybe with their attitudes they deserved to be here longer, who knows? I wasn't trying to find the shit out first hand, so it was imperative that I kept my nose clean.
The buzzing alarming to release the lock on the gate gave sound and entrance to let us walk down the long corridor to the board room. If you put a blindfold on me, I could probably walk around this place and tell you exactly where I was, just from the smell of it. Funny how when you been in the same enclosed space for a while, the way your senses heightened.
The west block always smelled like moth balls. There's a room over there that hoarded the pesticides and other cleaning products for the facility. The workout room never smelled like sweat or other body odors surprisingly, but that of burnt wood. Weird. I looked around at the Pepto-Bismol colored wall which always made me nauseous, ironically. This place...
"Lets go, Nance! Stop dragging your damn feet." OC Harrell heckled while yanking me along side him. I kept my comments to myself, obeying. I heard he liked to start shit with girls just so he could get under their skin and get a not so favorable reaction out of them.
I wasn't falling for the setup. I hated these damn ankle shackles though. Felt like a penguin trying to waddle as I walked. The ones on my wrists weren't so bad; I was was to handcuffs by now.
I checked the yelp that almost escaped my throat at the pounding CO Harrell gave to the board room door. Another CO opened it from the inside allowing us entry. Once inside, they unhooked my restraints.
"Have a seat there." the other officer said, pointing to a chair in the middle of the room. I treaded lightly, trying to maintain minimal eye contact with the five people seated behind the table directly in front of my chair. From left to right, there were various people whom I'd come to know in the course of my stay here.
