I can't believe it's been almost a month since I had any sort of pills. I dare not say I'm proud of myself. At least not yet. Don't want to jinx it, you know. I will say that don't I feel like I need them anymore. Which is an accomplishment within itself in that short amount of time. Everyday gets a little easier. The weight I once felt, lighter.
Aleen asks me often what I think is the ultimate reason I'm able to better to control my feelings. She says my 'new approach' to situations that were once irritable to me are not all attributed to the techniques she or even Mama A taught me. I told her first, that my feelings are not fully under control. But, I don't let..certain things bother me as much as they use to. I'm more tolerant.
Aleen is optimistic; enthusiastic that things are looking for the better. She's just hoping that whatever I'm doing is not a quick fix like before with my pills. Or, that I'm doing what she says I did with my weight loss and wearing make-up. Using them as distractions or masks. First, those things weren't distractions in my eyes. I lost weight and I became a fan of make up. Big deal!
I think Aleen in her job capacity is just over analytical. Shit is what it is. I'm not perpetrating or being fake in my new outlook on life by supposedly masking some inner feelings that I haven't or don't want to deal with. That's crazy. Besides, what feelings would I hide...
"Come on, Ivi. We're going to be late!"
"Coming, Mama A." Ivi yelled from her bathroom. She hurriedly applied the last touch to her eyelashes and gave herself a once over in the newly installed mirror inside her bathroom. She fluffed her loose, body wave curls, smirking at her reflection, before exiting out.
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Ivi teetered down the stairs, not as comfortable as she liked, in the heels Mama A insisted she wear with the floral print dress they selected at JCPenny the day before. The store selection for the outfit was a comprise between Ivi's choice of Target and Adele's of Nordstrom's. The two went back and forth for hours yesterday about where to purchase Ivi's attire for today's special event.
"You will not be rocking your shabby chic, hobo fashion on your boyfriend's big day. I simply won't allow it!" Adele said, thumbing through the racks at the store.
Ivi giggled to herself, thinking back on Adele's rant. She wasn't offended by Adele's critique of her eccentric style. She knew her taste in clothing was different, and not just because she could purchase her desired clothing items under $5 most times. Ivi knew Adele just wanted everything to be special for her grandson's day.
Asher was being rededicated back to God today; whatever that meant, Ivi thought. She'd heard of big occasions for kids in church, but nothing like this. She was familiar with kids being christened and getting God-parents, or being baptized. Ivi sighed, remembering when she was baptized. It was one of the last memory's she had with her father...Ivi shook her head, not wanting to reflect. It was no point to. She was cool with being in the now.
