Cityscapes (Jumin Han x OC)

Chapter 13

Sometimes, making the wrong choice is better than making no choice. You have the courage to go forward, that is rare. A person who stands at the fork, unable to pick, will never get anywhere.

Terry Goodkind

~

A few hours passed, and it was 6pm. I was feeding Elizabeth a dinner of organic cat food, and eating my own dinner when Jumin finally called. "I'm sorry for waiting so long to call," he said. "I just got on the train. I won't be home until 10:30 or 11. I'll be glad to take you home, or you can stay the night. What would you like?"

"Oh...um...well..."

"Miran," he said chuckling. "Would you like a moment to think?"

"Yes, please."

"Alright. I'm looking out the window of the train now, and wondering how the environment can pass me by so quickly. I can't even really take it in. When I'm in a car, I don't either. It just seems so real now."

"That makes sense, I suppose."

"Mmm. Assistant Kang," he said, away from the phone. "Could you buy me a tickets for a month from now? Schedule the full day off." He came back to the phone. "Miran...I'm sorry to have burdened you."

"It's alright."

"Okay."

He stil had that softness about him. If this had been Jumin from 2 days ago, he would've told me to stop correcting him. Now, he's simply accepting that it's okay.

"Jumin...I think I'll stay the night. I'll leave around 8am."

"Would you hate leaving around noon actually? I could buy you lunch, and drop you off at your apartment."

"I can stay until then," I said.

"I promise I won't keep you later," he swore. "I don't mean to bother you. I hate it so much. I hate the way I treated you. it makes me feel...like an ugly person."

"Jumin, no. Never. You're not. You were reacting, and that's okay."

"I know you're right, but I still feel guilty. Let me try to move on. How is Elizabeth?" he asked.

"She won't leave your bedroom. I think she misses you."

"How did you feed her dinner?" he asked.

"A lot of compromise. I put her food by your door, and eventually she came over after a lot of pleading."

"Oh, Elizabeth. Usually she's used to a schedule or at least some consistency to my leaving. I rushed out of there so quickly she didn't understand."

"Why don't I put you on the phone with her?" I asked.

"That sounds like a great idea," he said, sounding soft, not only quiet. I ran upstairs and placed the phone next to her.

"Elizabeth. It's Jumin," I said. She perked up.

"Hello, Princess. I'll be home in a few hours," he said. Elizabeth came over to the phone and placed her head next to it. "I'll give you catnip for being so nice to Miran."

I brought the phone back to my ear. "Thank you, Miran," he said.

"Absolutely, Jumin."

"Oh no...I should go. I'm nauseated," he said.

I felt a certain queasiness too. "Oh...same. I'll talk to you when you arrive," I said hanging up. It didn't really end after I hung up though. I tried running down to the drug store and getting ginger tea, but it still didn't go away. I felt this overwhelming sickness. I just sat on his sectional, answering emails, waiting for it to go away. It didn't though.

I took deep breaths, and it was still there. Everything was still there. It couldn't be anxiety, or depression, or even illness. It felt a little different from all of that. Something new, indescribable, yet some what wonderful.

Hours passed, and I looked out at the nighttime cityscape. It was something new. Seoul, but lively. A Saturday night, and all the lights were still on. I wondered when they might go off. I wondered what people were doing out there. As if a reminder that I had my own life, Jumin walked in suddenly. He shut the door behind him, and we were at different ends of his penthouse just maintaining eye contact. He put his suitcase in the closet next to him, and put his jacket in there as well.

I realize all of my nausea has gone away. I wonder if its the same for him. I'm surpised Elizabeth hasn't came downstairs yet. She must be sleep.

"The train ride gave me time to think," he said, as he began a slow walk towards me. "If it had been Assistant Kang, she would've, and rightfully so, told me to rethink my irrationality. She would've forced me to reconsider my actions. Again, rightfully so. Even if I had managed to get her here, she wouldn't had stayed here no questions asked. I'm not sure I would've even offered. Even when I consider why I took her to Busan, I realize it's because she let me. It's not often Assistant Kang accepts my impulses, let alone goes along with them. I originally asked her to take Elizabeth, and I realized she would refuse. I realized I had to ask you."

Now, he was directly in front of me. "You came immediately. You stayed here. You gave me what I asked for, without making a fuss. I appreciate that, but after long talks with V and Rika, I realized that's not something co-workers do. It's something friends do."

"Are you going to fire me?" I asked.

"No. Of course not. I just want to be clear with myself how I feel. How do you feel, Miran?"

"I'm concerned about what I'm getting into," I admitted. It was becoming more clear that Jumin and I were at least going to be friends. With my attraction to him, however, I worried how it would all be affected. Not to mention, if we are friends, nepotism is not a good look. Nor is becoming friends with a coworker. And if I start to want more than that, then I'm blocked by not only working for him, but by Jumin himself.

"Whatever you're worried about, I hope you feel comfortable talking about it," he said. He took my hand gently. "I hope you want to tell me what's running through your mind. I hope you want to tell me about yourself and-"

He dropped my hand. "And...and...I shouldn't say more." I realized that Jumin also wanted more. This was less of a debate of whether or not we would need to figure this out, but who would say that we need to. I felt my heartbeat racing.

I don't know much about him at all, but I feel a need to. I think he's saying the same to himself. This all feels messy, and particularly bad. I've barely been here two weeks and right now I'm looking down the barrel of a gun. I have two options regarding this. If I walk away, I never find out if Jumin and I...should be Jumin and I. If I decide to find out, I will inevitably be a spectacle. Either Jumin has spent company funds promoting a woman he had vested interest in, or I'm the gold digger looking for money. Neither sounds good, and neither is a grave I want to lie in. Jumin and I just stared at each other, waiting for the other to make a move. Thankfully, Elizabeth interrupted. She bolted down the stairs having finally discovered Jumin. He turned to his cat, and picked her up as her excitement peaked.

"It's late. You should go to bed," he said. I started to walk away without saying anything but...I couldnt.

"You should too, Jumin," I said, as I approaches lower guest bedroom, and he headed to his own room. He paused on his way up the stairs, and we stared again.

"Miran...are we both thinking the same thing? About the consequences of every move? Like a bad game of chess?"

"I think so."

"Then...I would I like to say thank you. Thank you for understanding me," he said walking away. I shut the door to the room.