Bad Baby

25

A/N: i just fucking SLAYED my social psychology exam and im so happy cos i did the course independently and im going out w friends tonight to celebrate and AHABDN IM SO HAPPY WHAT enjoy xx

He had assured me it was all okay, but I knew it wasn't. I felt like a horrible person. Maybe I should have just told him I loved him? I was growing to love him, sure, but wasn't fully in love yet. I could have avoided hurting him, but then I would have lied and it wouldn't have been fair towards him.

"Hey, Jacob," I jogged up to him just as he was stepping out of the front doors of Uni. He glanced back at me just as he stepped outside with me behind him.

"Do you wanna go have lunch at the pizzeria?" I offered, now walking slowly beside him as his eyes focused on the stairs we made our way down.

"I'm having lunch at the Busy Bean. Becks, Sean and Candy are there," he told me, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "Oh, okay," I nodded, feeling uncomfortable and just wanting us to go back to how we'd been.

"Do you, uh- do you wanna come along?" He cleared his throat, glancing at me quickly from the corner of his eyes as we began walking down the sidewalk, "it would be nice if you did".

He wasn't looking at me and was speaking rather shyly. My heart fluttered.

"Yeah, sure," I gave him a gentle nudge, trying to make him relax more and maybe even smile. I missed his smile.

He took out a packet of cigarettes. After picking one and lighting it up, we were almost at the Busy Bean. I didn't want it to be awkward between us, knowing we needed to talk this out.

"Listen, Jacob-" I began, but it was as if he had been expecting me to say something like that with the way he immediately cut me off.

"I don't want to talk about it," he spoke quietly, eyes still refusing to meet mine as he smoked his cigarette.

I frowned, understanding how he might feel a little embarrassed after having told me he loves me but not having gotten the reply he'd hoped for. There was no reason for him to feel embarrassed, though, because I felt more than honoured and crazy about him now that he'd told me.

I needed him to know I was growing to love him very rapidly, I just wasn't fully in love yet.

"But-"

"Please, can we just forget it?" He finally glanced at me, eyes showing a look of defeat. I felt so bad.

I remained quiet for the rest of the way to the Busy Bean. There we met Becky, Sean and Bunny at our regular couches, and made ourselves comfortable. Jacob did sit next to me; close enough for me to feel his body heat and thigh brushing against mine while it bounced up and down a bit.

The way he was scrolling down on his phone only made the emotional distance longer. Why couldn't he just listen to me and understand this from my point of view?

I knew I shouldn't be blaming him, he had a loss of emotional control and wasn't taking pills for it. I supported him, and cared for him.

How was I even supposed to know what love is, though, if I've never really felt it towards anyone but my parents? And that's a different kind of love than the romantic kind.

Bunny and Sean were making out on one couch, completely disregarding the fact that they were in a busy coffee shop with their friends surrounding them.

Becky nudged my leg with hers, catching my attention, "are you free after classes?"

"Yeah, I guess I am," Jacob and I definitely didn't have anything planned now that he wasn't even talking to me, "why, what were you thinking?" I added a small grin, trying to relax myself.

I could almost feel his attention shift to me, listening to what was being said. Before Becky even had a chance to start explaining, her excited expression faded as she raised her brows at Jacob who'd just cut her off.

"My mum invited us to dinner," he had suddenly spoke, causing my head to dart in the direction of his. His intense and dark eyes were gentle, watching me closely as our eyes met.

"What?" My brows furrowed, confused. Jacob's mother, as in the chief of police who most likely knew about the nudes and had maybe even seen them from Miles' phone?

He shrugged as if everything was back to normal now, "yeah. She's wanted to meet you for a while now. I promised her we'd come tonight".

"When did you promise?" I asked him, probably sounding a little defeated. "This morning before you'd woken up," he explained, clearing his throat a little while running a hand through his hair. We were so close; just a tiny amount of distance and my lips would be against his.

"Jacob..." I sighed, not liking that he hadn't actually asked me beforehand.

"I'm sorry, I can tell her you're busy, or something," he tried to give me a small smile, but it mostly just came out very shy and awkward, all while absolutely fucking adorable.

"No, no," I shook my head, giving in to the widening smile on his lips, "on one condition". He waited patiently for me to continue.

"We have to talk. Privately. I want us to go back to normal," I gave him an almost sad smile. His eyes were so intensely on mine, giving me this comfortingly warm and safe feeling.

"Alright," he soon agreed before standing up from his place. Becky gave me a slightly confused look after I had stood up as well, but I returned it with a smile and followed Jacob out of the Busy Bean.

We stood at the same corner we had stood during our first time here. Only difference was that now he wasn't smoking. Instead, he was simply leaning his back against the wall with his hands tucked into the fronts of his pockets, just watching me.

"I'm sorry," he was the first to speak; regretfully, but without removing his eyes from mine, "I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I don't want you to feel bad if you, you know, don't- love me back".

I inched closer to him, and took one of his hands in mine to give it a gentle and comforting squeeze.

"It's not like I won't love you at some point, Jacob, I just-"

"Really?" The tiniest smile formed onto his lips. His dark hair was styled back with the tips naturally a little curly, as always. He was wearing yet another Rolling Stones shirt with black jeans.

"Yes. You're so sweet and amazing, obviously I'm falling in love with you," I told him, "but this is just a little too fast for me. You do get that, right?"

"Yeah," he nodded, frowning again, "I...I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you, or that you have to love me. I'm sorry for getting upset about you not saying it back, I wasn't thinking— I don't know.."

Jacob blushed a little, blinking slowly as he studied my face. I doubt he even realised it, but our bodies were inching closer and closer.

"It's okay. I'm really happy we talked this out, I missed you," I let out a small laugh which made his smile widen. Without hesitation, he brought his hands up to cup my face before bringing our lips together.

It was so passionate and heartwarming, I felt my knees get a little weak. "Can we go to yours?" He pulled back way too soon, his dark eyes gazing into mine.

"Sure," I found myself grinning a little bit, "we can order food for lunch and then get back to class in time".

He nodded, smiling happily, "I love you. Y-you don't have to say it- I just.. I just want you to know". He had stumbled over his words after the 'I love you' with a blush.

"Thank you, baby," I leaned in and kissed him again.

I wanted to know and feel what love was like.