Hard To Say I'm Sorry

7. Letter

~☆~☆~☆~

"Do you have it?"

Kit stopped cleaning the spoon once stained with delicious vanilla Ice cream. Looking up, he saw Ming sterneous face asking for something he wished he could delay forever.

"The letter?" The small boy guessed. "Yeah."

"Will you read it?"

"I don't want to." He confessed, burying the spoon in the small cup filled with ice cream. "But I suppose you won't stop pestering me until I do so."

"You are damn right."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Hmm."

"Why do you care? I mean... He's gone. It doesn't matter if I hate him or not. He's gone. And all those years I spent thinking bad of him... they cannot be erased with a stupid letter of a dead man."

"True." Ming solemnly accepted, gently touching small amounts of Kit's brown-reddish hair. "He's gone. There's nothing you can do about it. He'll never know what you reaction is going to be. He won't know if you forgave him or not." Ming sighed, with a hint of sadness in his features. "But you are still here, Kit. Breathing and alive. You have a life ahead of you. And the only way you can live that time in freedom, is knowing the truth and taking out the massive weight of sadness you've been carrying."

The doctor felt himself forcing his tears back into place. Since when I became a cry baby? The person sitting next to him must be good at psychology. Kit hadn't react at anything this strongly since the last time he spoke to his father. And now Ming just keep pushing the right buttons over and over again, making him realise how he bottled in all his emotions and how that is finally coming to the surface.

Inhaling deeply, the small guy let go of the spoon and searched inside his pockets.

"Are you ready?" Ming asked.

Kit weakly smiled, before opening the so called truth.

Kit, my son. My only child. Please let me give you a problem for the last time.

I know you're living far away. I doubt you're even in Thailand anymore. I don't blame you for leaving. I made you miserable day after day, year after year. Yelling, insulting, attacking. Why would you stay?

Before, years ago, I'll admit I was glad you disappeared from my life. But do not get it wrong, son. I was happy for you. You freed yourself. You chose happiness instead of drown in this sick life I carry you to. I'm proud. Even if it means nothing for you, I don't want to die leaving you clueless. I think that would make me a worse person than I already am.