Loving The Mafia Boss [ COMPLETED ]

LTMB-21 "Whys"

Ivan's POV

Napaluhod ako sa narinig na sinabi ng doktor na kaharap ko ngayon, it can't be right. Baka naman hindi ako ang kausap nya ngayon. Ako ba? Kaya tinignan ko at nakitang nakatingin nga sya saakin.

"Sorry for your loss. But the cut was too deep we  couldn't stabalize the patient." I grabbed him by the collar and glared at him, how dare he say that.

"You should've done better!" Yinuyog yugyog ko pa sya, i can't believe this is happening. How can this even happen? I mean.... we haven't made up from our arguement, are we going to part ways with a heavy burden on our shoulders? We'll part with a unsolved problem. Mag hihiwalay kame ng masama ang loob sa isa't isa.

"No way. This can't be..." bulong ko sa sarili ko ng maramdaman ang marahang pag tapik sa balikat ko ng doktor. I gently shoved his hand away ang walked away from this place, I don't want to see her dead body, I don't want her dead to begin with.

"I will go crazier if I see you lying there lifeless." Bulong ko sa sarili. Why does this things happen to me? Bakit parang lahat nalamang ng bagay ay hindi sumasang ayon sa gusto ko, why can't I just be happy for instance.

Since Queen left I was devastated, angry and sad at the sametime, I didn't know exactly what to feel, I was at the point of my life when I got tired and I don't have the will to fight anymore, I often asked myself back then.

Why am I like this? Why do I love her that much even after knowing she stole the crown? Why do I still ove her after knowing that she's deceived me? After all she did to me, after all the lies she said, after making me hope for more, why?

"Dumbshit." Napasabunot ako sa sarili ko. Cause I love her to the extent of forgiving her after everything, to the extent of accepting her no matter or regardless of who she is, what she does for a living or kung anoman ang estado nya sa buhay, I couldn't careless.

"I freaking love her." I felt the tears once again fall from my eyes like a endless flowing river. It just wont stop from tearing up, I may look like  total shit right now but the fuck I care. I need to grieve.

I need to cry, I need to scream, I need to let it all out of my system or else I'll go crazy. Crazier. I can't bottle it inside. I stared at the sky and saw   her face, smilling up there. Her radiant smile that lights up my entire being, her beautiful face, her extraordinary attitude, her unique way of doing things, the soft touch of her lips and the warmth it gives me whenever we kissed, I'll miss every single part of her.

"I think I wouldn't be able to hold on to my life if she's not by my side." My heart, I felt it tightening.
As I continued crying my eyes out, I think I'm spouting things that looks gay but, I really love her.

Naalala ko pa noon parati kameng nagbabangayan at hindi talaga nya ako gusto, inis na inis pa sya saakin. The first time we met, she kicked me at my back and she was so pissed off about me kase muntik ko na daw syang masagasaan, she even threatened me that if that really happened it would be much worse.

I chuckled as I recalled many of the times we spent together, even though some of those are unplanned and didn't go well, those memories were precious and worth treasuring, because those were made with her in it.

"I was planning on making more memories with you to treasure and now you're already leaving me with a last memory?" The way she smilled at me at the last minute I held her in my hands, I remember how warm she felt under my skin, the sincerity in her words as she rant all of her thoughts to me in range.

I will always remember this day, the day I killed her. I killed her. I'm tge reason for her death. It's me. Kung hindi ko sya sinigawan at inakusahan ng panloloko edi sana hindi sya magkakaganon, hindi nya iisipin gawin yon, hindi sya mag susuicide sa harap ko mismo. Hindi sana sya umiyak, hindi sana sya nahirapan, right from the start it was all me.

Right from the start it was me who drive Queen this way, if we didn't met hindi kame parehas mahihirapan sa sitwasyon ngayon, if we didn't met we shouldn't be stuck in between everything else. If we didn't met, hindi sana namin minahal ang isa't isa.

If only we met ina different place and a different time, then maybe we would've had a chance......
To love.

"If only we were under different circumstances. We wont be having any problem." I lay on the grassy floor and let tiredneds engulf my being, I can now feel all the crying kick in. Too much crying can be bad to the health too I guess? I maybe really dehydrated right now and I wont be able to speak clearly, maaaring maging malat ang boses ko kakasigaw narin kanina pa.

Maybe I should take a break from everything just like what Queen did. A breath of fresh air. And like what Faye said, maybe I can do that too, maybe I need to do this too so that I can lead another life, a life that will not involve the Mafia, just a simple life with Queen in it is enough.

All I ever did to Queen was make her cry. Siguro masmadaming beses yung pagpapaiyak ko sakanya kesa sa pagpapatawa sakanya, and in my next life I hope when I met her again, I swear I'll maje her laugh a lot more than making her cry.

Binunot ko ang baril na nasa bulsa ko parati, and stared at it for a minute, I've always used this gun to shot people and to kill them right on, and now...

I brushed off the tears streaming down my face when I felt my phone vibrated. Sinagot ko ito without minding who it is, I'll just consider it my last call. He or she should know what I'm going to do, atleast theres someone going to find me after I do this.

"Hello. I hope you lead a great life, don't let go of the girl you love, and don't do what I'm going to do. Goodbye." When I finished my sentence I alligned the hand gun to my thoracic cavity and pulled the trigger.

"Q-Queen. I-I love y-you. A-always a-and forever.  To the moon a back." With that its suddenly hard to breath.