365 Days

Day 170

'So as of next week, anyone interested in the 2 week educational trip in a few weeks, will be free to start paying the fee. Don't just think of this as a week to mess around. This is an educational trip, the first week you will be team-building and getting to know your fellow pupils. Whilst the next week will be future building, learning more about yourself and what you would like to do with your life, it is very important that you agree to this trip with the right mindset because once you have paid your fee, there will be no refunds. Thank you, that is all.'

The principle ended the meeting and suddenly the hall was buzzing with the sounds of excited pupils wondering what kind of activities would be ahead of them on this trip. That kind of thing just doesn't appeal to me, so I was more than happy to zone out through most of the assembly. I was pulled out of my La La Land when I felt a hand grab my arm as I was walking to leave the hall.

'I know this isn't your sort of thing, but we have both come to a mutual agreement that you need to step out of your comfort zone and stop being such a miserable pain in the arse!! So as your best friends, me and Flo have decided that we will be going to this trip and you will not be able to say no' Kat protested, leaving no room for argument.

'What Kat is trying to say is that we worry about you sometimes. The only time we are able to get you away from Paul is when we are either in school, or when Kat has to play both sides to get him to agree to you going to a party. Your life basically revolves around him now, but you don't seem to be happy about it. Some time away from him might do you some good, and finally give you the peace you need to sort your head out.'

For some reason, hearing all the shit I already know sounded a lot more reasonable coming from Flo. She has always had a way with words, always able to make you feel comforted when you're basically hitting rock bottom. They have a point though, things between me and Paul have been a bit passive-aggressive since the party. He never found out that we didn't actually go home when we agreed to, he especially didn't found out how I got home. I don't quite remember why I was meeting Luke, don't even remember what was said. All I remember is walking to the field, and then puking in a bush. Before I knew it, I was waking up in bed with the worst hangover imaginable. I messaged Luke the next morning to ask him what had been said, or if I had done anything to embarrass myself. He put all my worries aside and then continued to make fun of me for being a lightweight, even though I had had way more to drink than is possibly human. How i'm alive right now, I'll never know.

I think over all of the shit that has happened between me and Paul, realising that I have only ever had the time to make rash decisions about us, when he is sitting in front of me. I have never taken the time to process the situation I am in, and evaluate whether or not I even want to be in it. Taking that into consideration, I don't argue with Flo and Kats plan. I nod and make my way to sign my name down on the planning sheet.

Once my name is down, me and Flo go off to our next lesson and I can't help but dread telling Paul about this trip.

'He won't be allowed to say no, you do get that don't you' Flo breaks through my thoughts, almost like she is reading my mind.

I sigh 'You would think wouldn't you. But when Paul doesn't want someone to do something then he will go out of his way to make sure that he gets his way'

'Well that's just bullshit and childish' I gasp at Flo, it takes a lot for her to throw expletives into the mix, so you know she's pissed when they do make an appearance.

'Woah, where did that come from?'

'I'm just pissed okay! I've watched you put up with his bullshit for a long time Paige and I'm honestly sick of seeing you like this. You know what give me your phone'. She grabs my phone out of my hand, pulling me into the girls bathroom to avoid the watchful eyes of lurking teachers.

'What are you doing?' I watch as she pulls up a new text.

'Hey.. baby? Yeah, baby. I am just letting you know that I'm going on a school trip in a few weeks. It's 2 weeks, home on the weekend. Really good opportunity, just letting you know see you soon. Love you xxx' She presses send, looking rather smug about herself and hands me back my phone. I should have stopped her, but at the end of the day, I was going to have to tell him at some point.

Immediately after the text was sent, my phone starts ringing.

'Shit' Me and Flo look at each other, before she winks and walks towards the door.

'I'll cover for you' she says before shes gone and I'm left alone to face my demons.

'So i'm assuming that text was from Kat as you would never be that upfront with me' Paul speaks calmly on the other end of the phone.

'No actually, it was Flo. But with the way she has been acting today, I don't like the way Kat is rubbing off on her'

'I wouldn't like the way Kat rubs off on anyone, we can just about handle one of her, nevermind if there were more' I laugh at this and enjoy the calm humour while it lasts.

'So what about this trip? Were you planning on asking me before agreeing to go? Don't know how I feel about you going away for a whole 2 weeks!' I can hear the agitation in his voice, no matter how hard he is attempting to cover it. So I decided to stick it to him, like Flo said. He wont be able to say no, it's my life.

'Well I thought the only person I would have to ask was my mother who is paying the fee. Plus, Kat didn't really give me much of a choice. It sounds fun, so I'm going. Besides, it's not 2 WHOLE weeks. It's a week and then i'm home for the weekend'

'Then another week' he mumbles.

'Well done, you can count. You're not going to make this difficult, are you? I could've just not told you altogether because I knew this was how you would react' I sigh frustrated that ever single thing I wanted to do became an argument with him.

'I'm sorry. Fine, i'll be nicer about you going. But I swear to god if you don't get me a present then we are going to have real problems' he laughs. I squeal and shout an abundance of 'thank you's' down the phone before hanging up and going back to class. So clearly, me having a backbone won't always end in disaster.