365 Days

Day 327

I can't do this. I'm breaking someones heart. Someone whose heart I would like to have in my own possession very much. Why did I agree to do this? No, I'm not doing it. Kat will just have to grow some balls herself.

I stand up from the grass and turn to run away when I hear someone shout my name.

'Hey Paige!! Where are you going?' Luke laughs as he approaches me on our field.

'Oh nowhere, I was just going to stretch my legs, been waiting here for a while' I sit back down in my original spot on the grass and Luke soon follows sitting next to me, a little closer than I would have liked. In this proximity I'm going to be able to see every excruciatingly pained detail of his face when I tell him.

'Oh yeah, sorry about that. Elizabeth has been driving me up the wall. She still won't let me come to any appointments, all I get are the scan photos, which are cute and all but I would love to see it for real. I mean, it's my baby too. Sorry, I'll stop ranting on about it now. What did you need to tell me?' Luke looks down at me with a warm smile, knowing that I'm about to wipe that off his face hurts me more than anything.

'I actually wanted to talk to you about Elizabethand the baby' I look down, not wanting to see his face.

'Okay..what about them?' I can hear the hostility in Lukes voice, without even looking at him, I know he senses something wrong. I bite my lip and bring my knees up to my chest, burying my face in between them. Just rip it off like a bandaid.

'She isn't really pregnant..' Silence. I can't bring myself to look up, but the silence is killing me.

'How do you know?' Okay, that wasn't what I was expecting. I slowly look up to Luke, and see complete calm on his face. Which is actually kind of scary in a situation like this.

'Kat heard it from Will' I whisper, not wanting to get into the other bit of bad news I have for him.

'Oh yeah, and how the fuck would Will know?' Luke scoffs, narrowing his eyes at me.

'Because he has been sleeping with Elizabeth for the last few weeks. When he heard she was pregnant he freaked out and she told him there was no baby. I'm so sorry Luke plea..'

'You're lying' Luke whispers, almost inaudible.

'Luke I seriously wish I was!! Believe me I didn't want to be the one to tell you. I know how bad this must sound after everything we said to each other a few days ago but I would NEVER lie about something like this!!' I plead with him, my eyes starting to fill up with tears.

'NO! No one is that heartless to lie about a baby!! I know she has had her moment Paige, but do you really think she is that evil?? This IS about what we said to each other. Do you think by lying about this that I would break up with her and then me and you would live happily ever after? I told you I love you Paige, but I am taking responsibility for what I've done. This is my mistake as much as hers. God, I should never have got that shit off my chest' Luke stood up, and I followed suit, grabbing onto his arm.

'Luke seriously, listen to yourself. I love you whether it be relationship or friendship, I. Love. You. I would never do anything to risk losing you as a part of my life. Remember when you told me about Paul cheating on me, I denied it. You're in denial, that's what happened to me. I need you to trust me Luke, make her take a test!!'

'I don't need advice from you Paige! I think you've done enough. Just leave me alone for a while' Luke goes to walk away, but something possesses me to grab his hand.

'Luke please, I need you in my life, I need you as a friend. I can't lose you over this. I am not lying, I promise you, please don't let this ruin us" He pulls his hand away from me, running his fingers through his hair.

'What even is this Paige? We are friends, then we aren't, then we are, then we develop feelings, then we are nothing, now we are something I can't even put a label on' he runs his hand along his jaw before turning to me.

'You know what. I think you're scared. You're scared that once this baby gets here then all my time is going to be taken away from you, that we won't speak anymore, that I'll forget you. I was willing to make it work with you, our friendship. It would have lasted, but now you're actually willing to break up a family..'

'NO NO!! Don't you dare make me out to be some selfish child. I didn't even want to be the one to tell you this!! I knew you wouldn't take it from me, I told everyone that!! I knew this would break your heart, so I didn't want to be the one to do it. You really think I would stoop that low just to get what I want? Do you really think I am Elizabeth?!? You told me you loved me, and when you love someone you trust them. You also told me you don't love Elizabeth, so why are you suddenly taking her word over mine?' I narrow my eyes at Luke.

'I honestly don't know what I believe anymore Paige. I just need to think for a little while' with that, he walks away. I don't try to stop him because honestly there is nothing more I could say. I've done enough damage to his life as it is.

I fucked up everything. That's it. Any future I thought I had with Luke is now out the window. He hates me, thats all there is to it. I wish I could save him from the torment Elizabeth is about to put him through, but he's not mine to save anymore.