Take My Breath

Sin and Self-Destruction

*Chris's POV*

  I didn't even say anything to Jealousy. I just ran to Sin's room. On the way out, I passed a nurse carrying a baby. I knew it was Sin's. "Wait, ma'am." I stopped her.

"Yes sir?"

  "Where are you taking the baby?" I asked her. "I'm taking him to my home, the mother is giving him up, and there isn't a father in the picture." she answered. She waited for me to say something, but I was speechless, so she walked away.

  I shook my head to clear it, then walked into Sin's room. "You're giving him up?" I asked. Sin wouldn't even look at me. "That may not have been my child but you wouldn't have to raise him alone. I would've helped."

  She looked at me then, with angry tears in her eyes. She looked as though she wanted to speak, but couldn't. "For fuck's sake, Sin!" I groaned, "It's been six months, you can't talk to me still?"

  Sin started crying, and covered her face with her hands. I forced myself to take it easy and sat next her. "Sin, is there any way you can explain why?" I asked. She grabbed her phone and texted someone. A few moments later, I got a text.

Jealousy: its cuz shes scared 2 let u in. she didnt tell me 2 say, but she luvs u n is scared 2 b hurt

  I couldn't help but start crying, and I felt a small hand take mine. Sin looked at me, still crying, but I could see the love now. It was so obvious, I don't know how I've missed it. She mouthed the words, "I'm so sorry...", then pulled the blanket back so I could see her sides.

  Her sides were covered in scars and cuts. I cringed, feeling every single mark she's ever inflicted on herself on me. I leaned over and kissed both her sides, and then kissed her hand. "Sin, you are so beautiful, and so perfect, no matter what.

  "Please, please don't ever do this to yourself again. I love you so much, and I literally just felt the pain of every single cut you've ever given yourself. Please don't do it."

  I was sobbing then, and she looked unsure of what to do with herself. Then she did something I didn't expect. Sin leaned forward and hugged me tightly.

  I hugged her back, and our tears hit each other's shoulder. "I love you..." she whispered, and I hugged her tighter. "I love you too."

*Two months later*

*Sin's POV*

  "Chris, I swear to fucking God, if you aren't packed, I'm going to fucking beat your ass!" I heard Balz yell from downstairs. I rolled my eyes, knowing Balz wouldn't really hurt him, and Chris could beat him no problem.

  The guys were leaving to go on tour tonight, which saddened Jealousy and I, but we understood. It's their job. Luckily, it was only a two month tour. I've barely spoken to anyone since the baby was born.

  I occasionally talk to Jealousy, I won't say a word to the guys, but I do say, "Sweetdreams, I love you." to Chris every single night. He and I both sleep in his room once again. We still won't have sex, and we don't kiss, but I always fall asleep in his arms.

  Actually, it's a really bad idea for me to sleep without Chris holding me. If I do, I have horrible nightmares of my parents that I wake up from sobbing and screaming.

  Chris is the only one who can relax me after one; not even Jealousy calms me down. I usually don't even fully wake up, cuz I don't remember anything the next day, I just hear about it.

  I watched as Chris threw one more shirt into a suitcase, then zipped it shut. He sighed, stood, then turned to me. "It's really gonna suck, not hearing your voice at all..." Chris told me, and I smiled sadly.

  "Actually, it's gonna suck when you're just... not with me. At all." I could tell he needed a hug, so I stood, stepped over to him, and hugged him tightly. His tears hit my shoulder, and I squeezed him even tighter, then kissed his cheek.

  Chris pulled away in surprise. "What was that for?" I shrugged, not even knowing myself. He chuckled, shaking his head, then kissed my forehead. "I'm gonna miss you, Sin. But I guess it's easier knowing I don't have a girlfriend to miss."

  As soon as he said that, I knew it was time. Time to let go of my fears, and step up. He started to pick up his suitcase, but I stopped him, pulling on his arm. "Yes?" I pointed at the bed, giving him a firm look. "Go sit?" I nodded.

  Chris went and sat on the bed, and I straddled him, then kissed him passionately. It was the first time we've kissed in almost a year, and it felt amazing. His hands went to my hips as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

  He laid down, pulling me on top of him. I put one hand on his chest, the other I pushed up his shirt, resting my hand on his side. "Chris, what the fuck?!" Balz yelled, and I could tell he was in the hallway.

  I got up quickly, in perfect time for Balz to storm in. "Mother fucker we have to- what the fuck were you two doing?" I felt myself blushing, and hid my face behind my hair, while Chris said, "Talking, kind of. You ready?"

  "No fucking shit, man, let's go!" Balz walked out of the room, leaving Chris and I alone to say our goodbyes. He asked me to shut and lock the door, so I did. He sat up, took my hand, and pulled me closer so I was again on top of him.

  He leaned in to kiss me, but I tilted my head down. "What's wrong?" I shook my head and gave him a look that I hope he knew meant, "They're waiting, you need to go."

  Chris sighed. "I'll miss you, Sin." he told me sadly. I got off of him so he could stand, and he did. He had his suitcase in hand and was unlocking the door, when I finally spoke up.

"Be mine?"