A shiver rolled through my body as I gazed at myself in the mirror. My body was nude and exposed. Goosebumps trailed across my bare skin. The bags were prominent under my eyes. But the thing that was most noticeable about my appearance were the fading purple bruises along my sides and abdomen.
In places they were already yellowing, prepared to cease completely from my skin, but in others they were dark and painful. Tears welled up in my eyes as I gently traced over the marks--the fingerprints left on my body from being touched so harshly.
"Alice?"
The soft male voice floated through the door followed by a few gentle knocks. I took a deep breath before wrapping a towel around my body and quietly opening the door. Seth stood there only in his boxers. His face was puffy and red. He had been crying.
"Did I...?" He trailed off as I looked down at my feet, unable to make eye contact with him.
"Damn it," he muttered to himself. "Let me see... please." His voice sounded broken almost, and I knew that he was disgusted with himself. I let out a small sigh as I let the towel drop from around me. I heard his sharp intake of breath before he spoke in a horrified, remorseful tone. "I am so sorry, Alice."
I just shook my head. "I'm used to--getting bruised up. I, um, fall a lot." I silently cursed myself for almost stating that I was used to it. I didn't want Seth to feel any worse for what had already happened. He saw through what I said immediately, but he didn't say anything.
"I don't think you'll ever know how sorry I am," he mumbled as he rested his hands gently on my waist. I struggled to not flinch as his fingers swept across one of the more prominent bruises. I squeezed my eyes shut and just listened to Seth's words swirl around the room. They had been repeated so often now.
"This isn't fair to you," he breathed as he pulled me against his chest carefully. "I just, I love you Alice, but I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to make it better, but I don't want to lose you."
"Stop the drinking," I suggested in an almost inaudible voice. I knew that no matter how many times I tried to get him to quit, he wouldn't. No matter how long I begged or bruised, it was never enough for him to just put down his foot, check into rehab, and get better.
I could feel him tense as soon as the words came out of my mouth but he relaxed himself immediately. "It's not that easy, love."
I wanted to argue back that it really was that easy, that if he wanted to continue to be with me that he would have to get help one of these days, but I knew it was pointless. All that would come out of it was a fight, more drinking, and more bruises. The topic was such a big one around us that it had happened before, and it never turned out good.
"O-okay," I mumbled against his shoulder.
He gave me a small smile as he pulled away from me. "I should probably go. I'm supposed to do inventory today."
"Alright," I forced a smile onto my face. Seth had never been good at reading my emotions or actions. It just wasn't something that I think he really tried hard at, or maybe he just didn't care. He planted a kiss on my cheek before heading into his bedroom to get ready for work.
I shut the bathroom door again, being sure to lock it, before standing back in front of the mirror. But this time, as I traced and retraced over the bruises, I let the tears fall.
My alarm clock woke me abruptly, shrill and demanding. I gently prodded the snooze button before collapsing back onto the pillows and staring up at the plain ceiling. I knew that I should have jumped in the shower as soon as I had woke, but I couldn't will myself to move after the nightmare flashback I had just experienced.
