Flawsome ✔

Chapter 19 - Cheering up

Saturday, December 24th, 2016

Today is Christmas eve, and though I'm normally really excited for Christmas break, I'm not too happy right now.

It's ten in the morning and I'm still in bed. I'm afraid if I get out, I will end my streak of flawless days. Every day the fear of fucking up something is growing, because I just know there will be a moment in which I do fuck up.

I nearly did on Wednesday when I tried to visit Calo.

Seino told me it was better to leave Calo alone for a while, that it had nothing to do with me, while it obviously had everything to do with me.

Before, Seino told his mom to let me come over because I managed to make him go to school on a bad day. I managed to see Calo the very first time he had an episode after we met, because Seino felt confident enough I was able to calm Calo down. Which I somewhat did.

But now, Calo left myhouse in the morning, and he didn't show up in school ever since. He hasn't answered any of my texts or other futile attempts of getting in contact, and all contact is now via Seino.

Who simply keeps repeating Calo isn't doing well enough to respond to my messages.

And currently, I've been texting with Seino about what I can do to cheer Calo up.

Because that's what is making me anxious; the need to make things right. I stopped organizing my stuff, and Calo got an episode. So, I'm back at organizing my stuff to prevent causing any future episodes.

And then there's the fact I want to return the favour. Calo messed up school's regular order of the day twice, turning it into some sort of playground to raise awareness about OCD and my compulsions in particular.

And currently, I'm anxiously in bed, afraid to get out because I might fuck something up, while I should swallow my pride like Calo did for me and go out to try and cheer him up as much as possible.

So, after doubting ever since I woke up around eight, I force myself to get out of bed and into the shower.

I scrub just a slight bit more because I want to be at my top game when trying to focus on another person's problems instead of mine. I can best have my habits out of the way as much as I possibly can.

After my shower, I find one stack of clothes left for me by Pyper, and I pack some essentials to take with me towards Calo. Since I'm not exactly sure on how to cheer him up, I also take my polaroid camera and two cassettes with me to make photos if we might end up going to a beautiful place.

I'd kill myself if I wouldn't be carrying my camera when I stumble upon a hidden gem of nature or whatever. It happened once, when I got lost in a city with dad, and I didn't have my camera while we found this labyrinth of tiny beautiful streets, covered with flowers and decorated with all sorts of colourful ornaments. The next day, the sun wasn't as bright. It was actually a bit clouded and rainy, and the pictures turned out ugly and useless. Then, we went back home since we were staying in a bungalow, because I tripped over the mat in front of the door and completely freaked out.

I never managed to get back to the streets to take new photos.

So, camera present in my bag and I'm good to go.

I successfully tap the lights to the right beat and end up executing any other compulsions without too much trouble.

"Morning sweety." Mom pecks a kiss on top of my head as she walks into the kitchen behind me to make me breakfast, while dad puts away the remote to sit down next to me. I can hear Pyper practicing violin in the small, useless-to-park-a-car garage and I smile at the sound.