Unfixable

Epithany

A/n I promised a part to a few people so here it is! I am sorry it has been a while just been so busy but enjoy :)

I wake to the sound of Lucy crying, it’s a relief sometimes to know that she is still here. “Ben…” I groan with my head sunk in the pillow face down, but there is no response. “Benedict!” I call as I jerk up to a sitting position. I look around and frown when I see no Benedict and hear no response, Lucy continues to bawl. I clamber out of bed and slip my feet into my fluffy, navy slippers. The noise of crying becomes louder as I approach the nursery, as soon as I enter the crying halts. She begins to gurgle as I move towards her cot.

I smile and she beams back showing her new teeth. I slide my hands, carefully underneath her back and bring her up towards me, cradling her. Ever since we had the diagnosis a couple of weeks ago I have been more careful with her, and Ben has been around more but I feel like his head is somewhere else. I know that he is very worried about Lucy as well but I wish he was here now, I mean where is he? I still work, which is good because I couldn’t sell the company easily, it is my lively hood. I work from home most of the time and when I do need to work at the office, I take Lucy to this hospice down the road. They look after her which keeps me happy.

Being married to Benedict Cumberbatch means that I am now good friends with some famous faces. Amanda Abbington is probably my closest friend; she and I both have kids so she doesn’t mind “play dates” as the mums call them. I sometimes meet up with Loo Brealey and I recently had coffee with Keira Knightley. But to be honest a lot of Ben’s friends are cautious of me because I own a magazine company but I would never use my relationship with Ben’s friends for business. “Ben!” I call which startles little Lucy bless her. He can go out if he wants but he could tell me, oh wait:

Y/n, gone for an audition, shouldn’t be long. Ben x

Audition?! He never said anything about an audition. Would he be away and if so would he be away for long?! I love his work and I don’t want to stop him from working but I don’t think I could look after Lucy without him for long.

To be honest, I am not going to lie. My relationship with Ben hasn’t been good for at least a year. I think we may have rushed into things. If we didn’t have Lucy then I don’t think there would be a relationship. We never do romantic things anymore; we don’t go out for dinner and to top it all off the other day he basically said in an interview he is hung up on his ex, Olivia Poulet. They were going out for like ten years or something so I don’t blame him but how could he say that? He is married…maybe that’s the problem.

\~.~.~.~.~/

Knock knock

I wonder who that is, Ben may have forgotten his keys I guess…he’s only been gone five hours. I open the door, “Hello lovely!” Amanda shouts, I shush her and she covers her mouth with her right hand. Her nails are painted a deep purple, it suits her. “Sorry, is the little one asleep?” She whispers, I nod and walk to the kitchen to make tea. She shuts the door quietly, she understands because she is a mother. “Is Ben not here?” She asks and I give her a ‘are you stupid’ look, she must understand, Martin must be away a lot. She sighs and beckons me to sit on the couch. I carry the two mugs and place them on the coffee table.

“Where are Joe and Grace?” I ask, it is rare for her to come without the kids now.

“With my parents.” I nod, if only I had parents to look after Lucy. Mother and father dead and step father is an absolute-“Something tells me you are not happy with Ben.”

“He is never here and I think that if Lucy wasn’t then he wouldn’t be here at all.” Most people would be crying by now but I don’t think I feel like that for Ben anymore.

“I am not going to stick up for him because I am not you and I don’t know what is going on but if you really think this then you should do something about it.” I nod; maybe she is right life is too short.

\~.~.~.~.~/

I hear the turn of the latch, Ben must be home and it is only eight pm! (Note the sarcasm) He walks past me sitting on the couch editing through an article, “Ben…” He ignores me and heads for the bathroom. This is what I mean, he didn’t even say hi or anything and he has been gone for at least eleven hours, possibly twelve.

A few minutes and he emerges from the bathroom, he looks shattered should I do this now. Life is too short. He sits next to me and starts to comb through some messages on his phone. He hasn’t said anything to me all day. “Benedict we need to talk…” I begin, he immediately snaps his attention to me and he looks nervous.

“About?” He asks, I don’t know what to say, could I do this to him, to Benedict Cumberbatch. “Y/n you only call me Benedict when something is wrong.” I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. “You’re worrying me now.”

“It’s about us.” I begin and I look down at my hands, my previously perfect silver nail paint is now chipped from where I have been gnawing at my nails all afternoon. “I don’t think this is working.”

“Y/n…” He begins but I interrupt.

“No don’t. If Lucy was not here would you still be here.” He is silent, “See you can’t even respond! Life is too short Benedict. I think you could find someone better for your suiting.”

“If this is about what I said about Olivia the other day then I’m sorry.” His facial expression is showing no sign of endearment or like he is going to fight for this relationship but seriousness.

“No it is not! I know you will always care about Olivia and I don’t mind that! I don’t think we are right for each other.” He opens his mouth to speak but I quickly cut him off, “For example today you have been gone all day, you came back didn’t even acknowledge me or ask if Lucy is okay. You just sat down and went on your phone! I didn’t even know you had an audition today, that is not because I don’t care but it is because we never talk unless it is about Lucy and her…condition.” I can feel myself well up, not about Benedict but about Lucy. A tear slides down my cheek and off my face onto the wooden floor making a sound only tiny mites could hear. There was a time when Ben would have wiped away my tear but now there is nothing. “Just…get out.” He looks shocked by my sudden mood change.

“Y/n…” He chokes.

“I needed the final proof Benedict and you just gave it me.” With that he walks out the door.

A/n thoughts? I will update more regularly from now on promise :)