Book Of Words

w i l d c a r d

"Choose, kid." The man said, "It's only win or lose. You win, you'll be a slave. You lose, parents will die."

My tears never stopped falling. It cascaded down my cheeks and fell down to the floor. How I wished I threw myself away like I was just replaceable and disposable. I wish I didn't went to that address. I wish I told the officers and cried alone in my room, waiting for my parents to return home, either dead or alive.

I wish I didn't accept that match.

But I accepted it and it was too late.

The man didn't notice that there was a mirror behind him. Even with my tear-fogged eyes, I can see what he has on his card. Well, I pretended I was crying so much so that he wouldn't see that I'll cheat.

Since I was a mere nine-year old kid, they made the game simple for me. The cards were just paper which holds a certain picture of an animal.

It was pretty easy. The one whose card holds a picture of a greater predator is the winner. If I had a rabbit and he had a tiger, I would lose the round and he would win.

I gazed down on my three cards. A python. A hyena. A parrot. So far, I have the greater chance of winning or so I thought. If I won, I would be a slave. Forever. I wouldn't want that. I wanted to be free. Everyone wants to be free.

The man ordered his underlings to take away the gag from my parents' lips so that they could say their 'warm words of courage' to me.

"Mikasa!" Mother cried out, "Just run!"

"Go!" Dad added, "Go before it's too late!"

I knew that what I'll do will damn my life forever but...

I wanted to lose so badly.

In this game, my opponent is all win and I'm all lose even if I'll win. There was no other option.

"Ready, kid?" The man asked me.

I nodded in reply.

Forget the mirror. I told myself, I'm sure the dealer gave him the stronger animals so that he'll win. Fine. I'll give it to them.

"Ready?" The dealer said, "This gamble will only have two rounds so choose your two cards wisely from your deck."

The man looked smug. I'm sure that he thinks he will win those two rounds and have me as his slave but I will not let that happen.

I heard my mother whimper in fear and I heard Father mumble something like a prayer.

A few minutes passed and the dealer pressed on us to show our cards. The man showed his first, it was a hyena.

I giggled and showed my card, "It's funny how we both got hyenas."

The dealer looked a bit shocked and continued, "Hyenas are cannibals therefore for this round, its a draw."

The man smiled at me and it wasn't even fake, "You're actually good, kid."

"Thank you."

The second round came and this time, I lost. More like I intended to lose.

"Oh?" The man mused, "I actually thought you were good. What's this? Why did you lose?"

"Because I chose to lose."

I glanced back at my parents who were struck with shock. Mother's face were flooded with tears and Father looked like his heart was crushed with an anvil. But even if they both looked they looked anguished, I didn't feel any guilt. I didn't feel anything at all. I didn't feel any guilt. I wasn't guilty of what I did. At least when I was a child.