Book Of Words

s i x o f s p a d e s

After my useless visit with my best friend Annie, I didn't come back there again. I couldn't stand Annie and her maid, Martha bickering every time I try to say something. They wouldn't listen to everything I try to say no matter how hard I tried to catch their attention. Its just so frustrating. 

And then, everything was getting...

Dark. Just dark. 

I sneaked out of my room every Friday night to drive my scooter to go to any place that has any forms of gambling. I've been playing lots and lots of poker, Texas Hold 'Em, and Roulette. So far, I didn't lose any of those matches. Maybe because I swore to myself to always win. Because if I don't win, something very unpleasant might happen. 

I got in every casino with a fake ID. I said I was an engineer. It was like I was defaming my future self because I know that deep down in my heart, I wouldn't be an engineer.

Of course, all my gambling is underage and downright illegal. I could go to jail for this. Or maybe not, since I'm still underage. I don't know. 

I tried my best to stop my gambling. I tried doing other things over the weekend like knitting, crocheting, painting but all those other things didn't strike my heart the way it did with gambling. When I gamble, I feel so alive. I could hear every beat from my heart. I could see every thought from my brain. I could feel every drop of blood that run through my bloodstream. Gambling made me feel so alive.

Anyways, I've spent all my classes staring at the blackboard thinking all strategies I could make and pull off in every gamble I am going to play. I didn't listen to the teacher anymore. I didn't care what he or she was discussing about, all I cared were all about winning my gambling matches and how I win them. My grades drastically dropped. From top one, I've dropped to the lowest rank. 

My eyes went wide like two Jupiters across each other as I stared at the bulletin board in which the rankings are posted for the students to see. My hands started to shake and I tucked them in my skirt pockets to hide my fear. I could hear whispers in every corner, telling me how dumb and stupid I am. How I am such a waste of time and how I was such a shame to...pretty much everyone who knew me. 

"Mikasa," Annie spoke behind me, patting my shoulder. "What happened to you?"

"I-I," I stuttered, "I dropped to the lowest rank? I dropped to the lowest rank."

I think my voice was too loud, people stopped their chattering.

A smile started to spread across my face.

"I dropped to the lowest rank! I DROPPED TO THE LOWEST RANK!!!" I roared and jumped with my arms in the sky.

And everyone was shocked.

"What the fuck is wrong with her?" Someone whispered. 

Another replied, "Was that really her goal in the first place?"

A voice snorted, "Funny how an Asian girl fails. Asians never fail. She's an Asian disgrace."

Okay, all those remarks didn't insult me except the last one.

So racist.

"Hey, excuse me?" I slurred, even if I wasn't drunk, "Some Asian kids out there, they could be living in Asia or any other continent are suffering on how to get past their algebra exam. Just because we are Asians, we get high grades every time. That's not true, that's stereotyping."

I took a step forward, making some of them inch back. Some of them actually tripped. I giggled, feeling the power I'm wielding as of the moment. I love it so much when people tremble before me. Yeah, be scared, boys. I'm Frolo and I'm your worst nightmare! (That was a bad joke...)