Prompt: Hi Jen! I don't think you've written Ethan's coming out to his parents. Do you think you can write that one?
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I poked at my food with my fork, too afraid to look up at my parents. They were talking to each other about their work day.
I had decided to tell my parents tonight. But as I sat with them now, I was a little afraid. I was afraid for the look that would no doubt be in my dad’s eyes when I told him about my sexuality.
“Ethan?”
I looked up slowly. My mom was looking at me with concern in her eyes. I swallowed down my fear, trying to bury it.
“Yea?” I asked.
“Why aren’t you eating? You’ve just been playing with your food,” she said. “Did something happen? Are you feeling okay?”
“Your cooking sucks,” I said.
“Ethan,” dad said sternly. “Do not talk to your mother that way. Sometimes you take your sarcasm way too far.”
“He’s fine, Greg,” mom said, shooting him a look. She turned back to me. “Ethan, if something happened, you can tell us.”
“Uh…well I guess something happened. I mean, it’s not something new, exactly,” I said slowly.
“Jude Tibbits?” mom said, looking angry now. “Did he do something to you, Ethan? I can’t believe a 14 year old boy can be so heartless.”
“No, this doesn’t have to do with Jude. Well, I mean, I guess it kind of does,” I said.
“What is it?” dad asked, also looking a little concerned now.
I dropped my gaze from his, worried that I would have a panic attack if I got too freaked out right now. I took a deep, calming breath and looked up at my mom, since I knew she would always love me no matter what.
“I’m gay,” I said. “And I don’t mean happy. I mean rainbows are fabulous gay.”
Mom stared at me in confusion. “What?”
I nodded. “Yep. I kind of figured that out around the time I was 12. When a guy is beating you up and you can’t help but appreciate how nice his ass looks while he’s doing it, it’s kind of an indicator.”
I sighed and leaned back, dropping my gaze down to the table. “Alright, get on with the ‘you’re going to hell’ speech.”
“Oh my god Ethan,” mom said, staring at me in shock. “You don’t think I’d ever say to you, do you?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just one more reason for people to beat me up, I guess. Although I’m pretty sure Jude Tibbits is a little on the fence himself. But, go on and tell me I’m disgusting or be ashamed or hate me or whatever. I’ll just hear you out and then go blast some Lady Gaga so she can assure me that I’m just born this way.”
“Ethan, we would never hate you. You are not disgusting,” mom said, looking horrified. “What would ever make you think we’d feel that way about you?”
She got up and came over to me. I mentally groaned as she hugged me tightly. Oh dear lord, mom.
“Your father and I will always love you,” she promised.
I glanced at dad finally as mom released me and sat back down. Dad was staring at me, looking like he was trying to comprehend my words. Just another reason for him to be ashamed of his son. Friendless, bullied, and now gay.
Would he hate me? Would he disown me? Would he just stare at me like this forever, like he couldn’t believe there was another way for his son to let him down?
I felt my breathing starting to hitch a little and tugged at my shirt uncomfortably as the temperature in the room seemed to increase. My dad’s eyes widened as he realized what was happening.
“Ethan, hey,” he said gently, reaching over and squeezing my shoulder. “Hey, calm down. We love you. We’ll always love you, no matter what your sexuality is. Don’t worry. Calm down. Please calm down.”
I focused on my breathing until it was normal again. I peeked up at my dad, searching his eyes, hating the disappointment and self-loathing I found. He didn’t want to be disappointed in me, he really didn’t. But he couldn’t help it, and he hated that so much.
“Well, an endearing mother-son hug and a narrowly avoided panic attack. I think this coming out went better than I had expected!” I said. “Besides, you don’t have to worry about me ever getting a boyfriend or whatever. If I can even manage to get friends, then we’ll worry about me ever having a relationship.”
I stood up and gave a little wave. “Thanks for accepting me as your beloved homo, and I’ll see you all bright and early tomorrow.”
I turned and left the kitchen, going to my bedroom. I shut the door and sank down, burying my face in my hands.
I picked my head up and slowly rubbed my leg, my fingers brushing over the healing cuts. I leaned back, my head resting against my door.
“Better than expected,” I said with a sigh, glad that it hadn’t ended with me dying of a panic attack on the floor while my dad screamed bible verses at me. “Yea, definitely better than expected.”
