3rd Wheel

The Search

*Just changed the title.*

Candon:

I drove to the club and went to the VIP section. The owner and my good friend, Martin, had a few drinks with me and we just talked while subs served us drinks and tended to our every whim. He allowed me to stay at his place and speak to Gypsy, his manager and a good friend of Jaeger. I called Ebony, Paul's sister, to go sit with him. I couldn't be there after knowing he'd kept this from me but I didn't want to leave him by himself in his sadness either.

I was a lot of things when Paul was talking-confused, sad, angry, enraged, empty. Work had been so busy with the take over attempt by my pathetic half-siblings and dealing with inside informants the last few months I was hardly home. How did I miss the distress signals Jaeger was putting out? How did I not see my baby was hurting? I was so busy making sure our financial future was stable I wasn't making sure our relationship was stable.

I've loved Jaeger since we were rebellious brats in high school. We did everything together. He went to college while I went to the military. After a tour of Iraq, I came home, started working at my dad's business, and asked him out.  A year later, we moved in and began exploring BDSM together. I was always dominant and protective with him and Jay had a submissive and passive nature. So it was a natural transition for us.  Seven years on I thought our relationship was strong.

His friend Paul from his college days came to visit him and became curious about the lifestyle. He asked me to train him. Jaeger agreed. Soon, Paul moved into my condo and I had two baby boys to take care of but Jaeger was still my number one. He decided to go back to school for a masters which I fully supported. Between work and studies, he had less time. He moved into a vacant property until we could find a renter simply so the place was lived in and to prevent squatters and it was closer to his school.

I didn't think I was giving Paul more time or affection but I guess to Jay that's what it seemed like. But why didn't he talk to me? Why did he try to handle it all by himself? It's my job to worry about everyone not his. Or maybe he did and I was just too absorbed in work to notice.

Gypsy wasn't much help. He didn't know either. Seems my Jay is a tight lipped little mouse. I called his mother and she told me to just give him some time and that he'd return on his own . I didn't want to give him time. I wanted him home with me. Now. I wanted to talk to him and clear this all up. I wanted to hold him and love him and soothe him. I wanted to let him know I'm sorry for being a shitty dom and boyfriend and that he is the most important thing to me. Not saying I love Paul any less but it's different. The level and intensity of intimacy I feel with Paul is different just like the intimacy level between the two of them is different.

For example, only Jay can calm me down when I'm about to go over the edge. And he's so in tune with me, he almost knows exactly what I need when I need it. I don't have that with Paul. Jaeger is my submissive - he has some say. He didn't want to be controlled down to the part where he was told what to wear.  Paul is a masochistic pet - he has no say.  He didn't want to be in control of much.  So that's how we set it up. Jaeger is allowed to have sex with me or Paul. Paul and I don't have penetrative sex. Paul likes heavy play. Jaeger- runs the other way. Jaeger likes PDA. Paul would die on the spot.

If either of them hurt, I would move heaven and hell to make it better. If they were sick, I'd sit by their side and feed them their soup and medicines. They make me happy. Both of them fulfill a part of the puzzle that makes me whole. I love them. I'd do anything for them.

So of course it was no surprise that after a week of trying local contacts, I expanded my search. He was nowhere in state. So I began looking at surrounding states. I even had investigators looking abroad. I was going to spare no expense to find Jaeger.

It was two months. Two long, arduous, torturous months before I found my love. I didn't tell anyone anything. I told Paul I was going overseas on business and hopped on a plane to a small village in Mexico where Jaeger was working teaching English. Although Jaeger and I worked in the same business together and he was co-CEO of it, teaching abroad had always been a dream of his.

I had to smile. My Jaeger is such an adventurous person. He liked bungee jumping, sky diving and all that shit. He once wanted to go shark diving on a vacation. I told him in no uncertain terms that he was out of his ever-loving-rabid- ass-fucking mind. I wanted to shoot him when he snuck out and went. But when he returned, his eyes were so bright and his smile so big as he talked about the experience. I couldn't stay mad at him.

My heart raced in my chest when I left the airport and hailed a cab to his place. When I got there he was going to run the whole emotion spectrum. I didn't care. I needed him and I needed him to know that.

*Lot of Candon hate out there.  Relationships are complex sometimes for no reason.  Do you think that if this wasn't a bdsm relationship the actions of the three characters would seem normal?