3rd Wheel

Closing the Distance

Paul:

Ani felt we needed to take drastic measures. The first thing Ani suggested was to close the distance. That meant Jay had to move back into the condo. We agreed to keep separate rooms for the time being with the goal to eventually move back into one bedroom. Candon pouted a bit but conceded finally. He wanted us all in one room immediately. It hurt Jay's feelings to do so, but we decided to sell the property that he had been living in. It belonged to my grandparents but his parents assured him it would be fine to let it go.

The most difficult part was for us to stop doing everything separately. She said independence and autonomy was usually a good thing but for us it was not. We were so independent we didn't lean on each other for anything outside of the bedroom. Real relationships are give and take, sharing, working, and being together.

We had to carpool to classes and work and accompany each other on errands. We had to help each other with chores, homework, and cooking. We also had to do a movie or game night at home together and have at least three meals other than breakfast together a week.  It sounds stifling but it was fun.

I learned that Jay thinks himself an American Idol and tries to sing everything on the radio. Candon stopped taking business calls all times of the day and night and talked to us more in the car on the way in. I enjoyed the bickering between Candon and I over snacks and whose turn it was to pay the bills. Candon would laugh when I was scolded for stealing out the pots and pans while Jay was cooking. Jaeger and I would tease Candon for taking twenty minutes to decide on dish detergent so we didn't use a lot, it smelled good, and our hands stayed soft.

There were so many little things I never noticed about them before. Like how Jay would turn into this super serious recluse during major projects and tests. Or how Candon's leg bounced when he's really agitated about something. Jay tries to run away when things get tough and Candon likes to charge in and solve the problem right away.

I noticed the way Jay would frown if he didn't agree with something.  Or Candon would look to the side when trying to find a diplomatic solution to something.  Jay's eyes would narrow and his shoulders rolled back if he was getting ready to challenge something that was said or how Candon tugged on his ear when he was nervous.  

It made me think to myself just how many signals were my boyfriends putting out that I missed?