AoT Crack Time!!!!

Untitled Part 109

"Mother of god..."

"Damn, son."

"Holy shit."

Why was everyone in such a shock today? You yourself had no idea why stares lingered around your form, and it made you feel slightly self-conscious at how the gazes of the soldiers of the Survey Corps followed you around oh so desperately. You had done nothing wrong, right? All you were doing was walking with your adorable little lover, Armin Arlert, who shyly had his fingers laced with yours as you innocently swung your arms back and forth as you discussed a wonderful book you had finished. He seemed completely oblivious to the many gawks, murmurings, and whispers.

You sat down beside the blonde at a table with your friends as they ate, Armin too excitedly talking about the book to pay attention to the wide-eyed beams sent your way. Finally fed up with this odd behavior, you whipped around with your brows knitted together. "What the hell is wrong with you guys? Why do you keep staring at us?" you snapped, clenching your hands into fists.

The friends surrounding you all exchanged nervous glances with wide eyes, wringing their hands together anxiously or avoiding your piercing gaze. Eren harshly shoved Jean forward, earning a few muttered curses from the golden-eyed boy as he cleared his throat. "It's just..." Jean peered over your shoulder, meeting Armin's eyes. "We never noticed how huge your ass was, Armin."

His large blue eyes widened at Jean's words, brows rising in surprise. "It took you that long to notice?" he asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion.

"WAIT, WHAT?" you said.

"SEE? WHAT DID I TELL YOU, JEAN, I TOLD YOU ARMIN WAS COMFORTABLE WITH HIS AWESOME ASS AND THAT IT WAS TOTALLY OKAY TO COMPLIMENT HIM ON IT," Eren shouted, jumping up from his seat. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU'RE JUST TOO GAY FOR HIM TO FUNCTION, TOO BAD HE'S WITH (Name) ALREADY!"

"SHUT UP, PANCAKE-ASS," Jean hissed, slapping Eren harshly over the head.

Eren's lower lips quivered as tears began spilling from his eyes. He turned to Armin, giving him a deadly glare. "YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD THE BEST ASS, ARMIN, I'M JEALOUS OF YOUR HUGE HIPS. THAT'S WHY BULLIES PICKED ON YOU, THEY WANTED YOUR ASS!" he screeched. He covered his face and ran out the room sobbing.

You hesitantly glanced down to Armin's backside, eyes growing in surprise. It was indeed rather large, especially for a male. Damn, he had a bigger ass than some of the female soldiers. The door swung open again, revealing Levi dragging Eren back in by the collar. Armin stood, linking his arm with yours as he began to drag you away from the cluster of people, obviously a bit annoyed with all the sudden attention. "Hey, Eren, look at the big-ass butt," Levi said, pointing to Armin as he sat Eren back down with his friends.

"Can we please not talk about my amazingly fabulous butt anymore, guys," Armin said, slapping his palm to his forehead.

Suddenly, you grabbed Armin by the shoulders and shook him furiously. "ARMIN! Do you know what this is? YOUR ASS IS A GIFT SENT FROM ABOVE, ARMIN, YOU HAVE TO USE IT FOR THE GREATER GOOD."

"Oh god not you too."

"YOUR ASS WILL SAVE US ALL, ARMIN."

"(Name) please omfg no someone help me."

"YOUR ASS CAN DESTROY THE ARMORED TITAN."

"Pffft, I highly doubt it," Reiner muttered from the corner of the room, and Bertholdt began sweating aggressively as he nudged the muscular blonde.

Jean sauntered over, in what looked like an attempt to be suave and sexy which obviously didn't work because he's Jean, and threw his arm over the males shoulders. "So Armin, now that you got a fine booty, I think I'd like to tap that, if ya know what I mean."

You gasped over-dramatically, grabbing Armin's head and pulling it down to press it against your chest to shield him from the pervy Jean. "You will do nothing of the sort! The only one who's tapping that fine booty is me!" you hissed. "HE'S MY ARYAN COCONUT."

"My ass is going to hurt everyone," Armin muttered.

"NO, ARMIN, YOUR ASS WILL SAVE US FROM SATAN."

"PLS STAHP."