My Best Friend, My Love (JhoBea FanFic)

Chapter 34

Deanna

"Jho naman, e. Panaginip lang 'yon, sigurado akong hindi yun magkakatotoo. Alam mo, mas mabuti pang umuwi ka nalang muna. Masyado ka yatang napuyat sa pagbabantay kay Bea. Magpahinga ka na muna, Jho. Tutal gising naman na si Bea.. di ka na mag aalala. Bawiin mo nalang yung tulog mo." Mahabang sabi ko kay Jho.

Kahit alam ko sa sarili kong baka mangyari yung kinakatakutan ni Jho, mas mabuting pang di sila magsama ni Thirdy sa iisang kwarto.

"Mauuna nalang muna ako, Deanna. May kailangan pa akong tapusin sa amin ni Nico." Putangina. 

Jhoana

Papunta akong elevator habang sinusubukan kong tawagan si Nico. Mas pipiliin kong tapusin nalang yung meron kami ni Nico para kay Bea kaysa sa pagpapahinga. "Nico?"

"B? I'm sorry." How do you let go of a man who has always been there for you? How do you tell the man who has always loved you that you're still in love with your ex? How do you run back to your home without hurting a person who has made you theirs? Do you? 

"Nico.. can you just meet me sa coffee shop? I need to talk to you." My voice was breaking. I love him, but I love Bea more. I love him but there was a feeling that only a Bea de Leon could make me feel. Only her. 

"Babe.. are you crying? Wag ka na umiyak, b, please. Papunta na 'ko. I'll be fast. I love you, b." And the next thing I knew,  I was already sobbing hard. How do you choose the person you love over the person who has always been there for you? Are you supposed to? 

I bit my lower lip, "I love you." then I ended the call. I lied. Sobrang mali mo, Jho. Kasi kung mahal mo talaga, bakit mo sasaktan? 

--

I was sitting down in our favorite coffee shop. We made a lot of memories here. Umaasang baka sakali ay marealize kong si Nico lang naman talaga yung mahal ko, pero hindi. Kahit anong pilit kong balikan yung mga alaala na sobrang saya pa kami. Nico went inside the door and he brought me a bouquet of flowers.

Oh God, how do I not hurt this man?

"Baby, it's your favorite. Okay ka lang-" I cut him off. I hugged him. I cried, again. Pakiramdam ko sobrang sama kong tao para paasahin siya. Di 'to deserve ni Nico pero alam ko talaga sa sarili kong si Bea lang. Si Bea lang talaga. Si Bea lang parin talaga.

I sat down. "Nico, I'm sorry." I simply said, trying to control my tears. "Sorry kung sobrang unfair ko sa'yo." 

"What? No, baby, you're no-" I cut him off again. Ayaw ko nang patagalin pa 'to. Ang hirap pala. Kapag kasi sa movie 'to ginagawa, parang ang dali dali lang. Hindi pala.

"Nico.. mahal ko parin pala siya. Akala ko tapos na ako sa pagmamahal sa kanya. Akala ko ubos na yung pag ibig na para sakanya. Pero Nico, nagkamali ako. Siya parin pala talaga. Sobrang thankful ko kasi nakilala kita pero hanggang dito nalang siguro tayo.. Sobrang nagpapasalamat ako kasi sobrang napasaya mo ako, naparamdam mo sakin kung anong pakiramdam ng mag mahal at mahalin ka pabalik.. Pero patawad kung yung pagmamahal ko sa'yo, panandalian lang. Sorry." Ang dami ko pang gustong sabihin pero di ko na kinaya. Ang sakit na makita yung luha niya. 

Sobrang sakit sa puso na makasakit ng taong alam mong hindi dapat nasasaktan. 

"Jho.. wag mo naman gawin sa atin 'to, o. Please, love? Baka nalilito ka lang. Kaya pa naman natin 'tong ayusin Jho diba?" Ang sakit talaga.

"Tama na, Nico. Tapusin nalang natin 'to. Sobrang unfair kung magsstay ako sa'yo kahit alam ko namang siya parin talaga yung gusto ko. I'm sorry. Thank you sa lahat, Nico. Pero dito nalang talaga."

May sasabihin pa sana siya pero pinunasan ko na ang luha ko at umalis. Sinundan niya ako papalabas pero nagmamadali akong sumakay sa kotse ko. He was crying and he was knocking sa window ko pero I didn't mind him.

It wasn't about me not caring about him.. I just didn't want to prolong the pain he was feeling, so, I left. 

He tried running after me but binilisan ko ang takbo ng aking sasakyan kaya hindi na niya ako naabutan pa. Dumiretso ako sa comfort place ko.. walang nakakaalam tungkol rito, ako lang.

I started crying. I realized na unang una sobrang mali pala nung fact na naging kami pa kahit alam kong si Bea parin naman talaga yung gusto ko. Sobrang nagsisisi akong nasasaktan ko si Nico dahil lang sa katangahan ko.

He was the one who accepted and who tried understanding me though I wasn't making any sense. He was the one who accepted me even though hindi na ako katanggap-tanggap. And I chose to break him.

And Bea? She's my home. She's the only person in this world who could me genuinely happy. She's everything I want and more. She's that one person who, no matter what I do, I keep running back to. She's irreplaceable. Siya yung nag iisang tao rito sa mundo na hindi ko kayang hindi-an at sukuan. She makes me brave. She makes me want to always fight for what I want, and she is what I want. She brings out the best in me. She is what makes my heart happy.  Siya at siya lang. Siya parin talaga. She was, she is and she will always be the love of my life. Nothing in this world could ever change that.

I made a mistake of not trying before. And God, that was the biggest mistake  of my life and I definitely would not do the same mistake over again. Ang dami kong oras na sinayang dahil akala ko hindi kami pwede. Dahil akala ko hindi talaga siya yung gusto ko. 

I drove back to the hospital, no matter how bad I looked like. Hinding hindi ko na uulitin yung katangahang ginawa ko noon. Hinding hindi na. 

Ipaglalaban na kita, Bea. Hinding hindi na matatapos. Mahal na mahal kita, sobra sobra.