Chapter 27: The Talk

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“Okay, so I wanted to discuss this…discussion with you girls since I believe you’re both at that age when you start getting….um….” My dad said awkwardly, clearing his throat and pulling on the collar of his shirt.

Grandma, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying herself tremendously. “Let’s get physical!” She sang, laughing.

“Oh my God!” Ivy exclaimed, horrified.

“Dad!” I protested.

“I’m your father! We need to have this conversation!” he said, exasperated.

“No, Dad. We really don’t," Ivy assured him worriedly.

“Yes, we do!” he said firmly.

“But why?” I asked, “We already know everything!”

Grandma burst out laughing again and my dad’s jaw nearly dislocated and hit the floor. “Excuse me?”

“I mean like…we’ve had Sex Ed in school…” I explained feebly, flushing.

“That’s different. They’re giving you facts about sex,” Dad said.

Ivy, Grandma and I all raised our eyebrows at him.

“Isn’t this the same thing?” Ivy pointed out.

Dad flushed, “Not quite.”

I sat back in my chair, trying to get comfortable seeing as we were probably going to be here a while.

“Fine, go ahead,” Ivy said, sighing in exasperation as she sat back as well.

“Um…” my Dad said, pursing his lips as he tried to think.

“Sex is fun, sex is dangerous, don’t do it ‘cause everyone else is, use a condom, take your pill, never let any guy pressure you, consent is sexy, the end," Grandma said, elbowing my dad in the stomach, “It’s not that hard.”

Ivy and I chuckled while Dad glared at Grandma.

“How can you be so relaxed about this? This is serious!”

Grandma shrugged, “Sex is sex. They’re going to do it eventually; you telling them not to do it is only going to make them want to do it more. So give them the facts they need to know, send them off and pray for the best.”

“Thank you, Grandma!” Ivy said, smiling.

“Amen to that, sister.”

Dad looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

“Jerry,” Grandma said gently, patting Dad’s hand, “They’re smart girls and they don’t fold very easy. You can trust them when it comes to this kind of stuff. They’ll do it when they’re ready.”

“I know, but still…” Dad said, casting a glance our way before pursing his lips again.

“Can we go?” I asked hopefully.

“No," Dad said. Ivy and I groaned. “I swear I’ll be quick,” he assured us.

He straightened up while Grandma sniggered, “Brace yourselves girls, this is going to get awkward.”

“Thank you,Victoria,” he said, exaggerating her name. She shuddered. She hated her name. She claimed it made her sound old and creaky.

“Anyways, um…where to start…” he said thoughtfully, tapping his chin with his finger.

“Try starting at the beginning. That’s usually how it works,” I hinted and he rolled his eyes.

“Fine, um…” he said again, still struggling.

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