FIVE days and FOREVER | ✔

NinEtEEn

FIVE days and FOREVER

Copyright 2017/2018

-Anya Amarachi Jacinth

Day Four

Day 4

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The car ride was silent as my mum drove us home.

Things have been complicated between us since after my dad left. Between all of us.

We got home and I entered the house with my mum following me.

"Next time, we need an extra-extra key," I said then I realized the door was already opened. "Is aunt Neila at home?" I asked as I turned to look at my mum.

She shook her head as she now entered and closed the door.

"Woah, you left the door open just like that?"

She didn't say anything then I decided to ask.

"Are you mad at me for not calling?"

She sighed, "Bianca, sweety. I'm not mad at you." Then she thought, "Well, I was but I'm not anymore." Then she nodded her head up, "Why not you just go to your room?"

I nodded then did as she said.

As I entered my room, I saw my older sister, Dianne, sitting on my bed.

I was confused.

I took some time to process the situation.

She looked at me then forced a smile as she got up to greet me.

She came and hugged me as tears covered her eyes.

I didn't return the hug.

"Bianca, I missed you so much." She said.

"Why do you miss me?" I asked. "We saw just last month."

She pulled out and looked at me. "But we never got the chance to speak. You were so mad at me."

I scoffed as I looked at her stomach. "And you think I'll feel better now?" Tears wanted to fill my eyes as I looked back at her. "You're a freaking murderer!" I yelled.

I think my mother sensed the argument as she came rushing up.

I turned to my mother. "You knew about this," I said as the tears now filled my face.

"Bianca, your sister is only 19. She has her whole life ahead of her." My mum said.

"Well, she should have thought of that before getting pregnant in the first place!" I shouted. "You didn't go to Florida to visit anyone. You went to get a freaking abortion for her." I pointed at Dianne.

"I thought you'd be happy for me," Dianne said with tears swimming through her eyes.

"Happy that what? That innocent child had to pay for your fucking sins?" I said. "That's fucking murder."

"Bianca!" My mum said.

"What?" I turned to her as I cleaned under my nose. "She chose this kind of life, mum!" I said. "She chose to live with dad. She chose to drop out of school. She chose to sleep around and her price was getting pregnant, okay?" Then I turned back to her, "So, why did you fucking waste a life? That baby might have had more fucking potentials than you ever had."

"Bianca, shut up!" Dianne raised her voice, keeping me silent. "Shut up, Bianca!" She repeated.

Then she broke into tears.

My mum went to comfort her as she started pouring everything out. "Do you think I like this? Every day, you remind me of how messed up an older sister I am and I'm trying, Bianca. I'm trying. I'm trying to be better for you."

I shook my head as I wiped the tears that couldn't stop.

"Maybe you're trying the wrong way," I stated bitterly.

"When I got pregnant, I didn't mind but you were so angry, you couldn't look at me. You thought of me as a total failure."

"Because you are!" I yelled at her.

"That made me feel terrible. I thought getting rid of the baby and starting afresh would make you see that I'm a better person now but no, you're still finding faults. No one is perfect, Bianca! Understand that. I can't be that fucking perfect sister."

"Maybe you'll never be," I shook my head at that.

"You're right." She agreed.

That made me to humble down a little.

"I did well for the baby, okay? He doesn't want to come into this world and realise he was a bastard child who wasn't even planned for in the beginning. I don't think he would want to suffer from such depression. And besides that, I'm starting over. I'm going back to Collge but not for you anymore, Bianca. I'm doing every fucking thing for myself and my future. Because you don't understand what I've fucking been through. Not one bit.

"All I just needed was for my sister to support me through my decisions and not tear me down and criticise me because I'm not good enough." Then she said, "And I'll never be good enough like the way you want me to be."

When she was done, I looked at her and realised how messed up she really was.

How much shit she had been through.

And how many times I was never on her side.

I cleaned my tears then left the room.

I was not the one going through the trauma of getting pregnant at such a young age and having to abort the baby so I really had no right to be mad at her for the decisions she made concerning her life.

My mum came to meet me as she embraced me.

I broke down as well.

I was very sure I looked ugly as fuck but I didn't care.

My sobs sounded everywhere.

When Dianne came out, I looked at her and how shitty she looked.

I guessed I looked like shit, too.

I went to meet her as I hugged her tight.

No words could leave my lips as tears rushed out of my eyes.

She embraced me, too as tears left her eyes as well.

At this point, I wished my dad was here.

I wished the dad we never saw faults in as little kids was here.

But as much as I hated to admit it, it was best that he stayed out of our lives.

He had messed things up enough.

Now, I had to focus on showing more love to my sister and making up for all the lost times.

I couldn't afford to lose her again.