Steady On.

Chapter 5.

(Edited 04/04/2021)

Her hands were shaking... No, Rey thought, her entire body was shaking as she struggled to not scream from rage. The last thing she wanted to do was alarm the base, but she genuinely could not believe what had happened only moments ago.

Rey shook her head, wetting her face from the faucet in her washroom and attempted to cool herself down. Glancing at herself in the mirror, she noticed the necklace she was wearing was no longer there.

She turned quickly, looking around the room from the bed to her floor, but it was nowhere to be found. She considered the possibility that Kylo could have taken it, having noticed his eyes on it a few times...

Her sudden rush of anger returned, causing her to forget the necklace all together.

Rey cursed herself out loud. How could she be so stupid, letting her defenses down! Letting him get close to her? Foolish! She continued to punish herself for it all, teeth hurting from the tight clench she had to do in order to cease her madness.

How could she possibly have the courage to being training new recruits tomorrow, if she so easily could be mind tricked by...him.

Rey couldn't bare to think his name right now, not without seething.

"Stars... It felt so real." Rey muttered to herself as she sat on the edge of her bed, feeling extremely defeated as she recalled every word and motion that led up to her realization of his games.

It was difficult to not be angry with herself. He was still her enemy, Rey thought. At the end of the day, that's always what he would be while he chose the dark side... So, why was it that she still felt such compassion towards him?

Rey could have sworn those feelings were long gone the day he chose to continue his attack on Crait, yet still, they kept returning.

Her mind was quick to recall those moments with crystal clear detail; The day she fought for him on Snoke's ship, the way she still begged him to join her on the Falcon even after his attack, the nightmare she saved him from, and today, only moments ago when the bond connected him here...

She fooled herself into thinking that it would be easy to forget what happened... at least for now... But she simply couldn't.

In that moment, she had thought of kissing him...And it nearly happened. But, why? Rey demanded of herself.

He had scolded her for not believing in herself, for thinking herself too weak to complete something that she already had – the exchange of light and dark force. Why was it that he believed in her in such a fierce way? Rey hated the way it made her instantly feel, as though she could believe him, as if she, too, had it in her to be something greater.

Rey's chin trembled, and it was only then that she realized she was about to cry from the anger and confusion that she was sorting through.

Had any of it been real to him? Did he feel any compassion towards her, or was it all for another game of power and deceit? She loathed the constant questioning, absolutely hated the fact that she was so easily manipulated, despised the way she admired him in that moment they shared together...

The force began circling her with intense rhythm, pulling and shoving Rey, confused by everything she was feeling, good and bad. Her blood was beginning to boil as she blinked the oncoming tears away. Reaching up, she began to rub the back of her neck to relieve tension.

It didn't work.

Sighing heavily, Rey stood from her bed and hiked her dress up to her waist, moving to sit cross legged on the floor. Rey decided meditation may help, and if not, at least she could lay on the cold, hard ground to cool her off.