Our messed up lives

5. Just for a day

"Coco, please come to the bed baby...mommy is too tired to shout today.. please understand." I said to my little devil who was running all around the house, finding out new ways to irritate the shit out of me.

"Catch me mommy" came her teasing reply, as she stuck her tongue at me and vanished behind the couch.

"Fine. Don't come. I am switching off the lights already... now if ghost uncle comes to take you away, be better prepared to save yourself!"

And I worked as I said. The countdown started after that- 1..2...3....

"Moooooommy!!!!"

Hardly a minute had passed inbetween when a frightened Coco came running to the bed and ducked herself under the duvet, snuggling the closest to me as possible. Meant that my new plan had actually worked out!

Great job, Nitara. I reminded myself with a virtual pat on my shoulders.

"Err..someone was saying that she wasn't going to come to the bed, isn't it?" I asked animatedly, pretending innocense, looking here and here.

Coco looked up at me as I said this. Being pitch dark throughout, she couldn't read my face but she was pretty intelligent to decipher the catch in my tone and murmured against my tummy in a low voice as soon as the sweet realisation dawned upon her.

"Sorry mommy."

"You should be.. you are taking me too lightly these days!!"

In reply, she hugged me even tighter and burried her cute, little face in tummy. She stayed in that position for some time until I clasped her feather light body and brought her on top of me.

"Sleep." I kissed her hairs and ranked my fingers through them.

"Mommy.. story??" She looked up at me again.

"You want ghost uncle to report earlier?"

"Nooo....sorry sorry sorry.."
This time, she burried her face in my chest and finally dozzed off to sleep within the next ten minutes.

I breathed in a sigh of relief after that.

Coco was asleep, meant that I was free for the next eight hours... to be with myself, to do something creative or to spend some time thinking about those stuffs that gave me nothing but pain. You can still ask why I chose this third option. Well, in that case my answer will be- nuturing old memories deliberately causes less guilt than drowing in them subconciously...in unfavourable situations... infront of unwanted people...!

Is Dev really unwanted?  Immediately, mind threw the bouncer of a question and gawked at me for the answer. She laughed thereafter when she caught my tongue-tied.

And well, she had already seen me contradicting my own words.

Was Dev unwanted? No. Never. He could be anything else but unwanted. He was the most important part of my life afterall! If not as dream, then as a nightmare for sure. But he was there, always there..existing in each and every crevise of my brain, reminding me of himself like the mandatory sunrise and sunset... like the ticking of a clock or the beating of a heart..... or maybe like my own survival.

He was there... always there!

Just becoz he was not unwanted..... I wanted him. Needed him. Craved for him and prayed for him.. Loathed him at the same time as well. And he deserved each bit of that hatred...by all possible means!!

2 years ago:

"What do you mean by her father came to pick her up? Don't you know that her father doesn't live in this city to pick her or me or anyone else for that matter??" I bursted on the gate keeper of my daughter's school when he informed that coco had gone home with her 'father'!