Total Drama Campus Life

Episode 15: Gradu-AH-tion

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Campus Life; our contestants, er students, faced off in a bi-lingual challenge of deceit and foreign culture in the Fluency Test! Gwen seemed to be doing good reciting her English song until Justin came along just to mess her up, only for him to board the bus along with his victim, providing Hanna with some tasty revenge. Hanna discussed her plans to take over the world in a Russian speech of doom and Lindsay and Courtney made a pact that Lindsay secretively attempted to backfire on at the elimination ceremony. What are the evil plans Hanna has cooked up for the finale? Will Courtney and Lindsay defeat their two-season long nemesis before they self-destruct themselves? More importantly, who will win the million dollars in the most unpredictable finale Total Drama has ever seen? Hanna, Lindsay, or Courtney? Those answers will be revealed right now, on Total Drama Campus Life!

Courtney, Lindsay, and Hanna enter a white room, lighted awkwardly with fluorescent light-bulbs. Chris sits in a chair at the back, subsequent to three desks with packets of paper on them. He has a base in his hand and black square sunglasses on.

Courtney: What kind of creepshow is this?

Chris: Welcome, young students of Total Drama High, to your final exams. In this case (opens it to reveal two pills, red and blue) there are these pills. It depends on what pill you choose on your fate. Each pill contains a challenge twist in it. Lindsay will pick that pill, since she has immunity from the last elimination.

Hanna: This is rather freakilicious. I wish Will were here.

Lindsay:(conf) Look, I know Will's here. He's been hiding in our bedroom closet for days now. Like I don't check the closet. How do you think I'm this fashionable?

Chris: Sit down and begin to write a narrative. A fictional narrative. Once you have completed the page long story, I will reveal who's wins to kick out one of the final three. Then, the twist will come. This narrative must be violent, scary, and overall challenging. Got it?

The girls nod.

Chris: Good. You have thirty minutes. You may begin.

In their heads...

Hanna: What to write? My imagination is honestly crawling with ideas. Monsters, aliens, humans, the strange creatures of Earth and above. But what to make an interesting story with? Aha! I've got it! By George, I've got it! Monsters take over the universe, splitting it into five sections, making humans their slaves. They then create an Olympic Brawl for all sections to compete with their humans! The winning human gets to live in riches alongside the monsters and marry a fair maiden! SO MUCH IDEAATIONIES!

Lindsay: Hmm. Kim Kardashian walks into a club to go hot-boy-hunting, but what she finds frightens her. A secret organization captures her and gives her medication to access her entire brain level. She gets superpowers and makes all the homeless people into fashion icons, besides the sex tapes and all that junk! SO MANY SHOES! Ooh, and her special power is making reality television less famous so hers can get the most ratings! EEP!

Courtney: A boy meets a girl named Courtney. She obviously thinks he's a jouvenile delinquent who wants nothing but her maidenhood, but soon finds the caring aspect in him when he rescues a nice boys pet bunny. They grow to learn of much happiness and troubled times, but overall, their relationship prevails and they have little goth children who can boss around people and whittle skulls. Duncney children! Oops, did I write that down? Cross. Out.

Outside of their heads...

Chris: Time's up! Give me five minutes to go over these with Chef and we will choose the best two to move on with!

As the girls wait...

Lindsay: So, Hanna, does Will like fashion merchandising?

Hanna: He's more of a video game persona, my fellow reindeer of the Tolken tribe in Albuquerque.