A Beautiful Mess

Twentieth: His Eyes

Twentieth: His Eyes

I couldn’t remember my old self anymore.  It was as simple as that.  It shifted.

       As he pulled me to the middle of the dance floor, people began to join us as well.  The song Moments by One Direction began to play smoothly. 

 

Heart beats harder
Time escapes me
Trembling hands touch skin
It makes this hard girl
And the tears stream down my face

If we could only have this life for one more day
If we could only turn back time

       I had never heard the song before but it seemed that I know the lyrics by heart.  As he rested his hand on my waist, his other hand touched my hand.  I was afraid that he’d notice how cold and stiff my hand was, but the warmth of his hand took care of it as he held it with a tight but gentle grip. 

       I didn’t know what to think because of the blank and empty thoughts left in my mind.  I was so overwhelmed by the music and it felt like he lifted me up off the ground as he spun me around.  He smiled charmingly from time to time and I couldn’t be more struck by him.  It was like we were lost in time.  Everything was a blur.  The past had hazed but my feelings for him seemed to appear in clarity.  Every time he gazed at me, I felt sparks trying to flicker and then igniting. 

       Was I finally falling?  No.  That wouldn’t happen.  After all the heat and the fire that we had threw to each other?  And suddenly it would end like this?  It seemed so uncomfortable falling with the one you had never expected to be with.  Yet, it felt so magical.

       When the song had finished, I ended up leaning my head on his shoulders, my eyes closed, hoping that the night would never end and wishing that I would never wake up in reality. 

       As I rose my head from him, I saw the twinkle in his eyes glimmering as he stared; his eyes so precious and delicate.  I let go of his hand thinking how crazy this all was.  Thinking how absent mindedly we both were.  It was hard thinking that this was the same boy who I fought with.

       He suddenly blinked and was awakened by the applause and the cheer of the crowd that was now circling us.  I didn’t recognize everything behind us once the music began.  I looked around feeling embarrassed and conscious.  The lights began to brighten up.  I wondered what Ethan was thinking.  Was he feeling the exact same way?  I wouldn’t want to know.   

       I tried to look away when the people unexpectedly cheered for a kiss.

       What the heck?  I’m not going that far!  Are you all crazy?? We’ve only danced!  Shut up!  Shut up!  Shut up!!, I wanted to scream.  But even if I had shouted these words, they still wouldn’t hear me.

       I ran out, plunging into the crowd as they made a narrow space for me to make way.  I felt deeply embarrassed by all of it.  They all knew everything that had happened!  I hated it!  What would my parents think?  Did they see all of that?

       I ran out to the parking lot and stood in front of Ethan’s car.  Only when I checked that it was almost midnight.  The moon was full and much alive.  I crossed my arm and leaned on the car.  I felt like I was Cinderella.

       I’m so stupid.  I should’ve gone there, I regretted.

       I heard footsteps running.

       “Saydie!” Ethan cried.

       I ignored, not responding.

       “Why did you run away?” he walked around the car and stood in front of me, his hands in his pockets.  I looked away, unable to make contact.

       “I hate people, okay?” I confessed.

       “That doesn’t explain it all.” He stared at me waiting for an answer.  He took a deep breath and glanced up at the moon for a moment and looked back at me, “I hate people too. I mean, people like that.”

       He began to lean on his car beside me, his hands still in his pockets.  He was five inches taller, I noticed.

       “What happened earlier,” he continued, sorting words out.

       “—is a total nonsense.”

       He nodded, unable to accept what happened.

       “Look, let’s just forget about it.” I rolled my eyes at him.

       “Of course.” He shrugged.

       I breathed out, glad he said it.

      The wind blew, messing my hair.  The moon light streamed down our faces.  The trees ruffled into the stillness of the lot.

       “Do you want to go home?” he asked.

       “Yes please.”